Wade Boggs and Baaaaa-d behavior

Happy May Day. Here’s are a couple of Friday questions that loosely relate to Sam “May Day” Malone.

From blog regular A. Buck Short:

In one of those wonderful Gary’s Olde Towne Tavern episodes you and David wrote, did somebody actually have to calculate how many sheep were needed to fill the Cheers backroom office? Or did you know you could get away with whatever would be sufficient for the camera angle?

As we were writing the first “Bar Wars” episode we just thought, “Hey, wouldn’t it be cool to see Rebecca enter her office and it was filled with sheep?” So we put it in. And voila, on filming day there they all were.

But yes, someone had to determine just how many sheep would be used. Before every episode there is a production meeting. Led by the First Assistant Director, all the department heads, show runners, producers, and the director sit around a table and go through the script carefully. There are a thousand questions to be answered with every show. Does the episode take place in the winter? Wardrobe needs to know. Should the actor have a coat or sweater? When an actor comes home with groceries, how many groceries? And what specifically are they? How many extras will be used in a scene? Will the phone ring live on stage or laid over in post production? So I’m sure in the “Bar Wars” production meeting there were discussions of how many sheep would be used, how would they be transported, how many shepherds would be required, and were any of the sheep minors that would require classroom time with the studio tutor?

Meanwhile it took us half a minute to dream up the bit and put it in the script.

And was Wade Boggs flown out specially to be in that, or was the taping scheduled for a time he had to be out there anyway to play Anaheim or somebody?

This was the last episode to be filmed that season. It was mid March. We were looking for a local very recognizable Boston sports figure for the bit. Unfortunately, the Red Sox were already in spring training in Winter Haven, Florida. Wade Boggs was our first choice and we asked our casting director to check and see if there was any possible way he might agree to do it. We figured it was a real Hail Mary, but what the hell? A half hour later we got the good news that Boggs was in. The Red Sox manager gave him a few days off. All we had to do was provide airfare and accommodations (in addition to his fee). David and I felt incredibly powerful. We just say “Wade Boggs” and poof, we make him appear!

It was only a couple of years later when his mistress Margot Adams wrote a big expose in PLAYBOY magazine detailing their affair. In her article she mentions how thrilled they were when this CHEERS gig came up because it meant a free trip to a three day tryst. He’d have guested on AGRICULTURE THIS WEEK if they popped for a first class plane ticket.

In the article, Margot also maintains that Boggs asked her for a pair of panties because he had promised the guys on the team that he could come back with Kirstie Alley’s panties. I was on the stage when Kirstie read this. Her expression was priceless. Kirstie was very cool about stuff like that. From then on I would occasionally say to her, “Listen, Kirstie, I’m going to my high school reunion and at graduation I promised the guys that I would bring a pair of your panties to the reunion so if you wouldn’t mind…?” She always laughed and told me to go fuck myself.

What’s your question? Just leave it in the comments section. Thanks. And again, may this be your best May Day EVER.

The End of Batman's Long, Strange Trip

There's probably no way Neil Gaiman and Andy Kubert could have topped the first installment of "Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader," which was one of the best single-issue comics I've read this year. But while part two isn't as original as the first, it's still quite good.

We all know Batman's departure from the DC Universe is temporary; yet, Gaiman has managed to craft a story full of melancholy and meaning. In fact, his contribution is the only part of the "Batman's Dead" storyline that hasn't come off like a cheap stunt. Most of part two is a conversation between Bruce Wayne — who isn't sure that he's dead — and his late mother. (I'd be perfectly happy if I never saw another panel of young Bruce kneeling beside his murdered parents' bodies, but I'll let this one slide.) The tenderness of the dialogue between Bruce and his mother really affected me, though I wish he hadn't been in costume the entire time. Then again, Batman is no longer Bruce Wayne's alter ego. It's who he is. Maybe I've gone soft, but the ending, combined with some "Goodnight, Moon" moments, gave me the sniffles.

I think this a comic that readers will either love or loathe. The storytelling devices are well-worn, and there are no big surprises. Batman never gave up his lonely fight, and then, eventually, he died. That's it. It's just a quiet, heartfelt ending that isn't really the end.

Netflix pick of the month: ANNIE HALL

Usually my movie picks are little gems that are somewhat forgotten. So you may be saying, why select ANNIE HALL? It won the Oscar in 1977 for Best Picture of the Year. My answer: Have YOU seen ANNIE HALL? And if you have, was it within the last ten years?

I’m amazed by how many young people have not seen this comic treasure. Knowing Woody Allen for the movies he’s made in this decade is like knowing Dick Clark for his recent appearances on NEW YEAR’S ROCKIN’ EVE.

You forget that Woody Allen was….

… once considered hip.

… once screamingly funny.

… once wholly original (all the conventions he’s used over and over for the last 32 years were actually new then).

… once secure enough to collaborate with other great writers like Marshall Brickman.

… once young enough to not be confused with the father of all of his love interests.

Rarely does a romantic comedy really suck you in. Yes, you’re laughing (a lot) but more than that, you find yourself genuinely caring about this couple. When can you say that about a Kate Hudson starrer?

For me the mark of a good romcom is “would I like to fall in love with that girl?” (That’s different from “would I like to sleep with that girl?” Those movies I call “Cinemax After Dark”.) ANNIE HALL completely passed that test for me… and I don’t even think Diane Keaton is that hot. But I got swept up in this romance. I wish it were me in those little cafes and jazz clubs. (I do stop short at taking my love to see SORROW & THE PITY, I would like to get laid occasionally.)

Some of the movie may seem a little dated today. It’s hard to imagine a relationship where two people can’t text each other. And there are no pratfalls. But the emotions remain real and deep and ring as true today as they did back then when “Boogie” was an actual word.

This is not to say movies were better “back in the day”. Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd can do no wrong (for the moment). Still, it’s worth checking out or revisiting ANNIE HALL. If for no other reason than to see Christopher Walken as Duane. You knew then he had the makings of a star or serial killer.

A guide to FACEBOOK etiquette

Oh, if only I had watched this helpful video first. I have so much apologizing to do to my friends on FACEBOOK.

C U at the C-BAG

Continuing yesterday’s post, since a lot of multi-camera shows all shot on Tuesday – both at Paramount and other studios like Gower-Sunset, Raleigh, and Ren-Mar – the writing staffs and casts from these shows began stopping off at the Columbia Bar & Grill for an after-filming drink. The C-BAG (as it was known) is now Pinoit on the corner of Gower and Sunset.

But there was a golden period in the late 80s through late 90s where this was the Algonquin Table west. It was not unusual to be sitting with the show runner of FRASIER, creator of EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, Ted Danson, Nathan Lane, the President of CBS, two producers from FRIENDS, director James Burrows, and Jennifer Aniston.

I’ve always believed that the best shows were the ones where the writers and actors worked together, not at odds. Being able to socialize with them once a week established a real trust. And their stories were always GREAT. Actor stories tend to be more colorful than writers’. Ours are usually horror stories, getting fucked over by networks or studios or spouses or doctors or American Express. Theirs are about hilarious anecdotes in the theater, filming mishaps, and who slept with who on what set. We would always try to steer the conversations in that direction.

The C-BAG was the place to go for juicy TV gossip and dish. If there was trouble on any set in town we learned about it. Anyone institutionalized, we knew it (usually because someone would ask, “Hey, where’s so-and-so tonight?”)

Interestingly, rarely were agents there. They were welcome. Anyone was welcome but Brett Butler. Agents were always present at the filmings. Why, I don’t know. They didn’t know either. There was nothing for them to do. They’d sit, bored to tears, and watch the monitors. I always found it ironic then when you needed agents you could never get them on the phone. And when you didn’t, there they all were at the ready in full-force. The only time I ever asked my agent for something he didn’t come through. Despite repeated pleas on my part he would not kill the network vice-president and his entire staff. So truly, what’s the point of even being there? But I’m guessing when the director yelled “That’s a wrap!” they bolted so fast they never knew everyone was invited to a post filming celebration.

Why did it end? The shows ended. And a new regime at Paramount placed far less value on writer/producers. The entire stable was either let go or encouraged to move on. But Tuesday nights for about a decade were magic. For any current showrunners, assuming there are enough actual shows in production, find a C-BAG of your own. And let me know if you need a designated driver.

Train-Wreck TV: "Toddlers and Tiaras"

Were she alive today, child pageant queen JonBenet Ramsey would be 18 years old. When she was murdered in 1996, the public was inundated with child pageant footage, which elicited a mass "What the !$#@?" JonBenet was a lovely kid, but the sight of her in heavy makeup and sequins always made my skin crawl, particularly after learning the particulars of her death. Inevitably, people in the "pageant community" felt that the press had given them a raw deal, as if it were perfectly normal to spackle a 6-year-old's face with foundation and blush and trot her out for judging.

More than a decade later, the world of child beauty pageants continues to fascinate/appall outsiders. And as TLC's "Toddlers and Tiaras" series proves, it makes for compelling, train-wreck TV viewing. We just got On Demand service, and against my better judgment, I watched two episodes of "TnT" over the weekend.

The show is pretty straightforward, with each episode focusing on a handful of pageant hopefuls with various levels of experience. What struck me immediately was that, in many cases, you can tell the parents don't have much money — yet, they're spending hundreds upon hundreds of dollars for their kids' highlights, spray-on tans, fake nails, hair extensions and God knows what else. And despite the shameless, relentless focus on their daughters' appearance and poise, many of the moms have let themselves go to hell. Whenever the dads are on camera, they seem vaguely mystified and resigned. They're proud of their little girls, but their wives are running the show. (I admit that there was one sweet moment when a girl's grandfather, a retired coal miner, helped her practice her "prissy" walk across the living room floor.)

As for the girls themselves, it's hard to tell what they think about being on the pageant circuit. Sure, it's fun to play dress up, win ribbons and have strangers tell you how pretty you are, but it seems like they'd be just as happy playing jump rope. I'm convinced that they'd be so much better off playing a sport than skipping across a stage in "casual wear." Maybe they're taking soccer lessons, too, but I'm skeptical.

At one point, my son took a break from saving the universe to see what I was looking at. When a girl who looked to be about four (his sister's age) began shimmying in a yellow, ruffled bikini, he put on his Serious Face and said, "Whoa, that is SO inappropriate!"

I don't have a problem with TLC for airing the show. Frankly, the child beauty pageant is an interesting, if bizarre, part of American culture, and the show is ripe for water-cooler analysis: Are pageants a harmless, fun way for girls to build their self confidence or an early, creepy introduction to sexual objectification? I know which one I'm going with.

The Paramount lot

My nostalgic look back at the 20th Century Fox lot prompted a number of requests for other remembrances of studios past. For twenty years I was ensconced at Paramount. My fondest memories are of Paramount but more for the people and creative atmosphere than the historic landmarks. Although some of those indeed exist.

The motel-looking building that served as William Holden’s office in SUNSET BLVD. remains intact. And the huge mural of the sky is still there. It’s always sunny with a few wispy clouds at Paramount.

And there is the “tank”. This is a recessed parking lot that can be filled with water for shooting or flooding car purposes. The blockbuster TORA TORA TORA shot most of its exteriors there. All of the warships were toy models. How did we live before Industrial Light & Magic?

One night after a late rewrite I saw massive lights and activity going on at the tank. Remember the climax of PATRIOT GAMES? There was a big fight on a small yacht that was swirling around in a vicious storm? They were filming that. I sauntered over and watched. Everyone just assumed I was a member of the crew. How many tourists are on the Paramount lot at 2:30 in the morning with a dog-earred WINGS script? Harrison Ford is a nice guy, by the way.

The tank is used sparingly because it’s quite expensive to fill. We did employ it once for CHEERS. Sam and Diane are on a boat. I think it’s from the second season. For the rest of the run of the show whenever we were stuck for a scene I would suggest, “Fill the tank!”

STAR TREK filmed at Paramount. More than once I’d be standing in line at the ATM behind a Klingon.

There was never much of a backlot but their New York street is more like a New York neighborhood. Several streets of different vintage intersect. Westside meets eastside. I see that location in a gazillion films, commercials, and music videos. Half the AMERICAN IDOL Ford videos are shot there. When we were doing ALMOST PERFECT, our stage was adjacent to the New York street. One day I walked out of our stage and there was James Brown sitting on a bench eating a sandwich.

Celebrity sightings were frequent. Tom Cruise (before he became a nut bag) had an office right above the FRASIER writers room and was quite visible. Jesus, he’s short! I turned a corner one day and bumped into Sean Connery. Oh, and the twins from SISTER/SISTER were always around! Not to mention those two women who had an act called THE MOMMIES. If only I had my camera.

Unlike 20th, Paramount was not in a great neighborhood. Even in the 70s and 80s there were more drug deals made outside the lot than in.

But Paramount was more like being at a great university than a movie studio (or fort, which out of necessity is what it looked like). The Harvard of television comedy. When I arrived the Garry Marshall camp was in full force. HAPPY DAYS, LAVERNE & SHIRLEY, and yes, even BLANKSY’S BEAUTIES. Jim Brooks brought his MTM all-star team over to do TAXI and that begat CHEERS, FRASIER, and the various other shows spawned from those writers. Gary David Goldberg set up shop with FAMILY TIES. And of course there was WEBSTER.

And all of us writers from all of these shows knew each other. We’d help each other out on pilots. We’d work on each other’s series. At one time I was directing, writing, and consulting BECKER, FRASIER, and IT’S ALL RELATIVE at the same time. For years I worked on both CHEERS and WINGS.

When writers would bump into each other the first question always asked was, “How late did you guys go last night?” i.e. how long was your rewrite night? If you got out after TAXI than your show was probably in shit shape that week because they always stayed late at TAXI.

And then there were filming nights. This was the age of multi-camera shows. Most filmed the same nights (Tuesday or Friday). After audiences were sent home usually the directors had about an hour or so of pick-ups. There was nothing more boring. So writers would usually wander from stage to stage.

And then there was the C-BAG.

Tomorrow, the C-BAG. (No AMERICAN IDOL review this week. Sorry. My house is being tented and it’s not worth being gassed to recap it.)

Kids Make Music — And My Day

This video really delighted me, and not just because of the song these kids are singing. I love to see children making music, which was such a huge part of my upbringing. I think I'd be a very different person if I hadn't been surrounded by music as a child and encouraged to play an instrument. When my own children connect the musical dots — like the time my son, then 5 or 6, picked up on the similarity between the sound of the early Kinks and the Beatles — it makes my day. Thanks to my friend C. for sending this!

Art I Can Believe In

I just discovered artist Brandon Bird's Web site, which is filled to the brim with win. Rod Stewart in a Stormtrooper costume! An abstract portrait of the "Family Ties" cast! Spider-Man and J. Jonah Jameson having a pillow fight! John Tesh! Where has Bird been all my life?

Now if only I can convince my husband that a painting of Jabba the Hutt in the desert would look great in the foyer.

Revoltech Fraulein Collections

Some of my Revoltech Fraulein Collections, Asuka, Rei and whoever that third girl is. Hahaha. I bought her because she come with a kick ass sword.

This is why you need to follow me on TWITTER

Thank God for Twitter! Without that invaluable service I could never share with friends the really important moment-to-moment details of my life. In case you’re not following me I’ve reassembled the Tweets you most recently missed.

Having a colonoscopy tomorrow.

Going out for magazines.

Is it just me or does Susan Boyle look like John Madden?

Okay. Starting to take the stuff.

Ugggghhh! It tastes terrible. Mood: Irritable.

Thinking of a Staycation this year. Any suggestions where I could stay?

It’s been a half hour. When is this stuff supposed to work?

45 minutes. Still nothing.

53 minutes and counting.

An hour. What’s the deal???

Just filled out my All-Star ballot.

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kill me NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay. I can breathe. Whew.

YEOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s working.

8rXX3 thinks Susan Boyle looks like… wait a minute….

HOLY FRIGGIN’ SHIT!!!!!!!

How long is this supposed to last?

Oh Christ! I forgot. Today’s the day we scheduled an OPEN HOUSE here.

Dennis Franz. That’s who 8rXX3 thinks Susan Boyle looks like.

No, you can’t see the bathroom! It’s currently occupied!

I would trade my Emmy right now for a Tums.

Wow, there are a lot of ads in VANITY FAIR.

Bowel mood: very irritable.

Hey my legs have gone to sleep. Has that ever happened to you?

There are eight people walking through my house. I almost knocked one down during the last urge.

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I’m in hell.

Moving on to ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY and MERCENARY LIFE.

Thanks you guys. Hearing your colonoscopy stories have really helped. LOL.

It’s been three hours.

And two rolls.

No offers on the house yet.

How stupid am I part two? Choosing to do this on the day of the TOP CHEF marathon?

Okay. I think the worst is over.

Wrong!!!!

Seriously. Someone. Kill me.

Oh great. My real estate agent just dumped me. For some reason she feels my house doesn’t “show well”.

I’m whipped. Better get some sleep. But here’s the good news: I convinced the doctor to just give me a local. So I’m bringing my laptop and you can expect tweets during the procedure. Please check back every five minutes.

Never sing HOT ROD LINCOLN

One night in a sports bar in Syracuse, New York, I saw the greatest thing. Gary Cohen (now the TV voice of the NY Mets) and Dan Hoard (the voice of University of Cincinnati football and basketball) started reciting the lyrics of 70’s chart topper “Hot Rod Lincoln” real fast, in perfect unison (lyrics provided below). The entire song in less than a minute. When they finished the bar exploded in applause. I thought, this would be a great bit for Norm & Cliff on CHEERS. I laid it out for my partner, David who also thought it might be kind of novel.

So we pitched it the CHEERS producers a few months later when we were about to write a script. They looked at us like we were nuts. I said, “Trust me. This will work. This will become one of those classic CHEERS teasers.”

The producers shrugged, and I guess out of respect to our then-prestigious career said, okay, try it.

When they saw the finished draft they still had reservations. It seemed kind of stupid and pointless but so convinced was I that we had struck comedy gold that I made this offer: David and I would perform it at the table reading. We would show all these skeptics. Again, they said go for it.

Everyone assembled for the table reading. The cast, writing staff, some crew members, the studio, and the network. We took our cue and launched into “Hot Rod Lincoln”. And we were great. Having practiced diligently for a week we kicked some serious ass. Truly awesome! And when we were done….

Nothing. Nada. Dead silence. A vacuum. You could hear crickets from a field a mile away.

Just fifty faces staring at us with a mixture of bewilderment and sheer pity.

The embarrassment of that table reading was of course, just the beginning. Back in the writing room, David Lloyd got it started by saying, “So the ‘Hot Rod Lincoln bit – that worked.” Others said they were still not convinced, would we do it again for them? Next week could we perform “Stairway to Heaven”? These jokes continued…for four years. I’m hoping to out live them all because if not I just know they’ll reprise it at my funeral. Again, this is why I'm sooo glad I wasn't on staff when I went on TV last week with my Stevie Wonder glasses.

Note to young writers: NEVER guarantee a bit will be a classic. And second note to young writers: NEVER EVER make it worse by trying to prove it.

Here are the lyrics (written by Charlie Ryan). It was funny when Gary and Dan did it. REALLY.

My pappy said, 'Son, you're gonna drive me t' drinkin' ...
If you don't quit drivin' that - Hot ... Rod ... Lincoln!'

Well, you've heard the story of the hot rod race,
When the Ford and the Mercury were settin' the pace.
That story's true I'm here to say,
Cause I was a'drivin' that Model A.

It's got a Lincoln motor and it's really souped up;
That Model A body makes it look like a pup.
It's got 12 cylinders and uses them all;
And an overdrive that just won't stall.

It's got a 4-barrel carb and dual exhausts,
4:11 gears that really get lost -
Safety tubes and I'm not scared,
The brakes are good and the tires are fair.

We left San Pedro late one night;
The moon and the stars were shinin' bright.
We were drivin' up Grapevine Hill,
Passin' cars like they were standin' still.

Then, all of a sudden, in the wink of an eye,
a Cadillac sedan passed us by.
The remark was made, "That's the car for me."
But, by then, the taillights wuz all you could see.

Well, the fellers ribbed me for bein' behind,
So I started to make that Lincoln unwind.
Took my foot off the gas and, man alive,
I shoved it down into overdrive.

Well, I wound it up to 110;
Twisted the speedometer cable right off the end.
Had my foot glued right to the floor;
I said, "That's all there is - there ain't no more."

Now the fellas thought I'd lost all sense;
The telephone poles looked like a picket fence.
They said, "Slow down, I see spots."
The lines on the road just looked like dots.

Went around a corner and passed a truck;
I crossed my fingers just for luck -
The fenders clickin' the guard rail post;
The guy beside me was white as a ghost.

Smoke was rollin' outta the back
When I started to gain on that Cadillac
I knew I could catch him and hoped I could pass
But when I did I'd be short on gas.

There were flames comin' from out of the side;
You could feel the tension; man, what a ride.
I said, "Look out, boys, I've got a license to fly"
And the Cadillac pulled over and let me by.

All of a sudden a rod started knockin';
Down in the depths she started a rockin'.
I looked in the mirror and a red light was blinkin';
The cops was after my Hot Rod Lincoln.

Well they arrested me and put me in jail.
I called my pop to make my bail.
He said, "Son, you're gonna drive me t' drinkin',
If you don't quit drivin' that - Hot ... Rod ... Lincoln!"

DIFFERENT STROKES -- the urban thriller

Just how important is music in establishing a mood and tone for a scene or show? Here's all you have to see. And hear.

Brazil Court Frees Enviro-Nun's Suspected Killer

More great HuffingtonPost headlines. This from their Green section Friday:

22 Things You Didn't Know You Could Compost

Owl Living In Home Depot Garden Center Can't Be Removed

Kangaroos Don't Know How To Use Snuggies

Oprah Shines Light On Great Pacific Garbage Patch

Intelligent Robo-Penguins Take To Seas, Skies

Miss Philippines Contestants Driven Around In Electric Vehicle Convoy

Brazil Court Frees Enviro-Nun's Suspected Killer

Earth Night: 5 Ways To Green Up Your Sex Life

The Best Earth Day Jokes Of The Decade

Bronx Zoo lays off animals

"Dioxins My A**" Hat Mocks Contaminated Fish Advisory

Pigs Escape In Crash En Route To Bacon Factory

Mad Scientists Freeze Their Boat To Arctic Ice

Sega - Alien Relief Model

Got this a while ago, dunno what is the point of this toys but I just think it is pretty cool. Detail of this thing was reasonable. You can see the skull of the Alien. By the way, this is from the very very first ALIEN movie.

Sitcom retrospectives

It’s Friday question day. What’s yours?

Damian J. Thomas wants to know:

Why do TV series waste my time with retrospective episodes? Some episodes simply show parts of the same stuff I’ve already seen. Was someone, such as the head writer, on vacation that week?

Retrospectives are a cheap way to fill out a season’s worth of shows. They generally do well in the ratings. And networks promote the crap out of them.

One of the most horrifying experiences in my life involves a retrospective. I was taking an MRI (already a heart pounding endeavor). Mirrors were set up in the tube that allowed patients to watch a television. So there I was, claustrophobic, not allowed to move even an inch, for 45 minutes, forced to watch the NANNY retrospective.

Years ago I pitched a sitcom pilot to NBC. When it was time for questions one network whiz asked (in a straight face yet): “What’s the first episode of season seven?” I picked my jaw off the floor and said, “The clip show featuring all the classic moments from the first six years.” I wanted to add but didn’t: “What the fuck do you think is the first show of season seven? How the fuck would I know that? Are you insane?” They didn’t buy the show.

Retrospectives are great for writers. They get royalties for any clips used from their episodes. My partner and I cleaned up on MASH and CHEERS. I think on CHEERS they used something like 25 of our episodes. After that, anytime in the writing room we were stuck on a story at CHEERS I would say, “Let’s just scrap this and do another clip show!”

We were there during the MASH retrospective and although it was cheap to produce it required five times the effort on our part to put it together. For a month every night after we finished our writing we drove to a production house in Hollywood and screened episodes until midnight or 1 AM. Then came the impossible task of culling seven years of great highlights into one expanded episode.

An additional problem is determining the format for the clips. There is the wraparound approach. This can be real dicey. I remember one series got around this problem by having their characters being robbed. While tied up together in the kitchen, to pass the time (as all bound families do) they started reminiscing. “Hey, remember the time you wrecked the car?” And then they’d show the clip. Smooooth.

Nowadays shows tend to steer away from that artful device. On CHEERS we took the cast out of character and put them on a panel. They answered a moderator’s questions and we used the clips to support those answers. Other shows use just strictly clips tied together by graphics or voice-overs.

One trend I’m noticing lately – these retrospectives are appearing sooner and sooner. It used to be you wouldn’t even think of doing a clip show before 100 episodes. Now it’s getting to where the clip show comes as a celebration of getting picked up for the back nine.

Someday I’ll have to put together a clip show of this blog. Various sentences from different posts. Wait a minute. I could say I’m doing that right NOW. Yes, welcome to my retrospective post.

TakaraTomy Disney Label Transformers Optimus Prime

TakaraTomy and Disney had decided to collaborated to produce an ultra cool Optimus Prime mixed with Mickey Mouse characters. Both are very well know in the animations industry. This particular collection had already become a collectors item as it is already sold out worldwide. eBay price could fetch up to well over $100. Luckily I got mine!

The cause of Global Warming. Put down that pie!

Get out your aerosol spray cans, they’re not the problem after all!! Scientists now know the real cause of Global Warming.

Fat people.

Well, maybe not all scientists, but certainly Dr. Phil Edwards of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine – one of the more prestigious of the institutions that combines two random names. “Moving about in a heavy body is like driving in a gas guzzler” the I-assume-slender Dr. Edwards contends.

Each obese person is said to be responsible for emitting a TON more of climate-warming carbon dioxide per year than a thin one. Do the math. That’s an extra BILLION TONS of CO2 a year.

Phillip Morris may be killing you but Sara Lee is killing the world.

And it doesn’t stop there. Since heavyset people tend to exercise less they drive more, which is another major cause of carbon emissions.

So a hefty person who buys a Supersize meal from the drive-through window is personally responsible for melting polar ice caps. I hope it was worth it.

Hey, producers of 24 – there’s your storyline for next season. McDonalds is introducing one-pounders. Jack has 24 hours to blow up the central slaughterhouse.

The US and Great Britain are two biggest offending nations. They’re both getting fatter by the decade. So the next time you hit that cake stall hard during high tea at Harrod's just know that every finger pastry destroys another rain forest.

And of course the ultimate irony is this: Al Gore has been on a personal campaign to make the world aware of Global Warming. But since he won for President (and wasn’t allowed to serve) he’s picked up a few LB's himself. Al Gore is part of the problem!

That said, his movie, INCONVENIENT TRUTH. is a disturbing cautionary tale that should be seen by everyone. Just don’t go to the concession stand for a tub of popcorn, 64 ounce Coke, and four boxes of Snow Caps. Those Snow Caps may be the last anyone on earth ever sees.

Couple Of The Month: Ice-T and Coco

Every once in a while, Americans fall in love with a couple that reflects our most deeply held beliefs about love, partnership and family.

Of course, I'm referring to Ice-T and Coco!

You know how you sometimes have an irrational fondness for random celebrities? I don't know what it is about these two, but the sight of the old-school rapper with his bombshell wife always makes me smile. Unlike the significant others of many rappers, Coco does not go quietly. In fact, she's the main attraction when the cameras start flashing. And Ice-T, secure in his status as a rap pioneer, seems OK with that. He's like, "Look, I've had my moment. I understand that it's all about my lady and her epic assets. Don't hate, fellas. Appreciate."

I was so jealous when my friend V. told me that she once had the pleasure of meeting Lady Coco, who is reportedly "bad as f*ck." She's like a (somewhat enhanced) Barbie doll come to life. If Mattel put a Coco doll on the market tomorrow, I would totally buy it and dress it up in crazy outfits. Coco in pink boots! Coco in leopard-print leather! Coco in a thong bikini! She would crush the Bratz under the heel of her mighty stiletto.

Who needs the A list when you've got that kind of swagger? Don't hate! Appreciate.

AMERICAN IDOL -- Disco Night

When I think of the Disco era I think of Clive James dead-on description:

“Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.”

Disco was the theme this week and Paula was the moron. After several weeks of near lucidity even, Paula was at her over-medicated best. This was her best night since she critiqued a performer’s song before he sang it.

LIL ROUNDS (the judges’ punching bag) got it started with “Climb Every Woman” or at least that’s what I think she was saying. It will take the Jaws of Life to get her out of that Spandex jumpsuit. The panel hated Lil of course. Paula accused her of not “tapping into her inner goddess.” You just wonder how many “goddesses” and “imaginary friends” and “Miss Californias” reside inside Paula.

KRIS ALLEN sang Donna Summer’s “She Works Hard for the Money” as if it were Kenny Loggins night. Disco unplugged. Paula observed that a lot of women shop in the men's department but few men shop in the women's department. I’m not quite sure whether she was praising Kris or Ryan.

DANNY GOKEY did Earth Wind & Fire’s “September”. His lead vocal was far superior to Earth’s original. Paula zeroed in on the mark of a good singer – his agility.

ALLISON IRAHETA understood that disco music is all about suffering. She gave a gut-wrenching rendition of Donna Summer’s “Hot Stuff” that evoked traumatic memories of losing dance contests. I think Paula put it best. “The word compromise does not belong in your musical vocabulary.”

ADAM LAMBERT, now with dyed jet black Johnny Bravo hair, displayed his savvy yet again by taking a Bee Gees song “If I Can’t Have You” and turning it into a ballad. This time for me he was a little overwrought and theatrical. Paula didn’t agree. She was literally crying. With tears in her raccoon mascaraed eyes she said, “Adam, you tore your heart out and left it on the stage.” He nodded solemnly, all the while his “inner goddess” was laughing her ass off.

MATT GIRAUD sang “Stayin’ Alive” and of course had to go to his off-key falsetto. If he were singing “Old Man River” he’d find a way to work in his falsetto. He wore a red leather jacket, white shirt with the tails out, black tie, and funky hat. It’s as if one of the Blues Brothers became a Shriner. Paula’s comment hit the usual bullseye. “You pick songs like I bowl.”

ANOOP DESAI is growing a moustache and beard. I don’t think it will earn him any votes but it will get him full body cavity searches every time he tries to board an airplane in the US. He wore a grey suit with a pink sweater, a combination not seen since the bridesmen at Pat Boone’s wedding. Anoop closed the show with “Dim All the Lights”. Paula’s astute observation: “Real men know how to wear pink.” Seriously. The woman is out of her mind.

Two people get thrown into the Disco Inferno tonight. Lil and who else? Your thoughts.

AMERICAN IDOL review is coming

but it will arrive sometime in the early morning. I'm on KABC until 11 so won't get to it until late. I just pray it's not "Music to put you to sleep" night.

P.S.
From 10-11 tonight on KABC and KABC.COM, my daughter Annie will be reviewing the current reality shows. I never asked but I assume she's watched some of them.

Bible Black - 1/6 Imari Kurumi

My very first Bible Black PVC figures, sadly it is also the last one I have to preview until I get another one from overseas. Produced by C-Works and distributed by Epoch