Hairspray

I think for my next movie project I’d like to develop a white version of THE WIZ. Movies become musicals then become movies of the musicals. Why not a movie of the movie of the musical of the movie?

Backing up one step we have HAIRSPRAY. Less warped (and delicious) than the original John Waters movie, and greater in scope than the 2002 Tony winning musical, HAIRSPRAY: the current movie is better in some cases than its predecessors and not as good in others.

Overall though, it’s infectious fun. Bouncy, catchy early 60's tunes. (Where are Bobby Rydell & Lesley Gore when we need them?) And unlike RENT, you don’t cringe when people break into song. (Of course that could be because they sing about waking up in Baltimore not getting AIDS.) What the movie lacks is the excitement of seeing it live and really getting swept up in the music. On the other hand, I saw the film at a WGA screening so I was the youngest person there by 40 years. Maybe your theater-going experience will be different.

The two big problems with adapting musicals for the bigscreen are how do you open it up, and who do you cast? Director Adam Shankman and screenwriter Leslie Dixon did a great job clearing the first hurdle. Since the piece was so stylized to begin with you have no trouble buying dance numbers in the street. It’s not like the film of WEST SIDE STORY where these bad ass gang members are all prancing around and pirouetting in urban war zones. And expanding the Allison Janney character was inspired. She stole every scene she was in.

Casting the adaptation was only partially successful. Hollywood always likes to cast movie stars instead of the Broadway performers. (So what if Natalie Wood and Audrey Hepburn can’t sing? Neither could Clint Eastwood but that didn’t stop him from crooning in PAINT YOUR WAGON.)

But with a youth oriented show, calling CAA makes sense. When they cast the RENT movie with the original off-Broadway cast they all looked 40 (which is because most probably are). Marissa Jaret Winokur, who won a Tony playing the lead, Tracy is now in her mid-30’s. Too old I'm afraid to still play 17. Even Tyne Daly decided not to apply.

Newcomer, Nikki Blonsky was terrific! You fear her future in the business will be playing wacky friends to pretty actresses not as talented but in her one starring role she shined. In general, all the kids were fine. Although, Andrew Rannells who played Link in the Broadway production I saw blew the doors off of Zach Efron.

Amanda Bynes proved it is possible to turn in a good performance without battling drug and alcohol addiction. Who knew?? And Christopher Walken was his usual superb strange self. Currently on Broadway, Jerry Mathers is playing that part. No. I’m not joking. Could you ever in a million years conceive that Beaver Cleaver and Christopher Walken would be playing the same role?

Queen Latifa was fine but not as good as Doris Troy on Broadway. And I’m told she was not as good as Mary Bond Davis who originated the role. If they made the movie today, Jennifer Hudson would play the part. Sure she’s too way young but she has an Oscar. Let's just say she's the right age for the marketing department.

I still can’t get over Clint Eastwood singing in PAINT YOUR WAGON. What were they and he thinking???

Now the bad news: John Travolta. The joke wears thin in like… a minute. And what you’re left with is a guy who can’t sing, has no real flair for comedy, and probably didn't need a fat suit. Here is where Hollywood sacrificed quality for name value. Harvey Fierstein made every line hysterical. The best you can say about John Travolta is that he's a good sport.

On the other end of the spectrum, Michelle Pheiffer was so painfully thin that I didn’t know whether to laugh at her jokes or call 911. It’s hard to enjoy a performance when you’re concerned for an actor’s safety.

But the bottom line is HAIRSPRAY is well worth seeing. Which version is up to you. Personally, I prefer the Broadway production. And after Jerry Mathers leaves maybe he'll be replaced by Don Imus.

Wait a sec -- instead of re-working THE WIZ, maybe I should focus on FROST/NIXON. First it was a TV show turned into a play and now will be a movie. I could turn the movie into a musical and then we could get another movie and maybe if we're lucky, a TV show based on the movie based on the musical based on the movie based on the play based on the TV show.

The 2007 Kenny Awards

There are so many award shows now I figured why not one more? The Kennys – my personal picks for television excellence. Granted, I don’t have the credibility of foreign waiters who decide the Golden Globes but I have even more legitimate credentials – I have a blog. Hopefully next year studios will take out ads.

So anyway, here they are, in no particular order and with no regard to what the TV Academy or anyone else recognizes – the coveted Kenny awards for 2007.

Amazingly, I notice Joan & Melissa Rivers are on my driveway interviewing my mailman. I guess they show up anytime awards are being handed out.

Best Comedy – 30 ROCK

Best Comedy I appreciate more than actually laugh at – THE OFFICE

Best Drama Cable – DEXTER

Best Drama Network – LOST

Best Drama I hear is great but never have watched – THE WIRE

Best Late Night Show – CINEMAX AFTER DARK (I like THE DAILY SHOW too but when given a choice come on, get real.)

Best Daytime Show – MASH reruns

Best Reality Show – INSTANT BEAUTY PAGEANT

Best Animated Show – THE SIMPSONS (Funnier than seasons 18, 13, and 11, on a par with seasons 14, 15, and 10, better than seasons 17 and 12, not as good as season 16, 1-4.)

Best Game Show Host – Pat Kiernan -- pictured left, THE WORLD SERIES OF POP CULTURE

Best behind the scenes of SNL show – 30 ROCK (A year ago this would have seemed impossible. It was STUDIO 60's to lose and they did.)

Best Actor in a Drama – Michael C. Hall as DEXTER. (A serial killer you’d be happy to go to dinner with… as long as he’s not cooking.)

Best Guest Actor in a Drama Series – Tim Daly in THE SOPRANOS (No one has given a more accurate portrayal of a screenwriter. He had an alcohol and gambling problem, got hooked up with the mob, got skulled with his “Human-itis” award and finally was shot to death. All that was missing was seeing him walk a picket line.)

Best Lead Actor in a Comedy – Alec Baldwin 30 ROCK. (He’s so good at comedy I now re-watch his dramas and laugh at those too.)

Best Lead Actress in a Comedy -- Feliticy Huffman, DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. (To see how good she is, just compare her with any of those other preening hens she shares the screen with.)

Best Supporting Actor in a Drama – Michael Emerson as Ben on LOST (A mesmerizing villain. I watch him and think -- it’s what happened to “Harold” after “Maude” died.)

Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy – Jenna Fischer, THE OFFICE. (See this post. I love her… but not in that creepy “ I want to download a line of her dialog and use it as my ringtone” way.

Best Supporting Actress in a Drama – Jennifer Carpenter as DEXTER’S sister -- pictured left. (She’s what Holly Hunter tries to be in SAVING GRACE but you can look at her.)

Best Lead Actress in a Drama – Edie Falco, THE SOPRANOS. (Her depth, subtlety, and humanity made her the only truly sympathetic character in the series… along with maybe the hooker Tony banged in Vegas.)

Best Network News anchor – Charles Gibson, ABC (Even though he's not perky).

Best Cable News anchor – Kyra Phillips, CNN -- pictured right. (Yes, I love her but not in that creepy “I want to record her reporting a bus plunge to use as my ringtone” way.)

Best Network Sportscaster – Jon Miller, ESPN (I would watch if he were calling a Tampa Bay Devil Rays/Kansas City Royals game in September. Okay, I’d be comatose through most of it but the parts I was conscious I’d be enthralled.)

Best Series Finale – it was the show where they --

The Real Don Steele

The Real Don Steele was larger than life. For thirty years he ruled the Los Angeles airwaves, most notably on 93/KHJ “Boss Radio” in the 60’s and 70’s. Outrageous, electrifying, thrilling – that was Real on…and OFF the air.

Typically, after his afternoon show he would go to a Hollywood watering hole, Martoni’s and get plastered. Steele never did anything in moderation. One night Sinatra walked in with his fierce bodyguards and disappeared into a back room. Steele wanted to meet him. The others at his table told him it was a bad idea, Sinatra never liked intrusions, and he was in no condition to meet anybody. That didn’t stop Steele.

He marched into the back room where Sinatra was now eating, surrounded by his henchmen. Frank looked up and was startled. Steele stood before him and in his loudest booming voice began singing “Strangers in the Night”. Then, after one chorus, passed out face first in Sinatra’s pasta.

Talk to anyone who knew and loved him. They have a hundred of their own stories, each as good or better.

The Real Don Steele passed away ten years ago today. He was only 61 (although the way he lived it was closer to 108). There is a tribute website that features pictures, and a few samples of his work. If you want to hear the greatest cookin’ jock to ever crack a mic in the heyday of top 40, check him out.

Real also appeared in some highly prestigious films such as EATING RAOUL, DEATH RACE 2000 (starring Sylvester Stallone), ROCK N’ ROLL HIGH SCHOOL, and Ron Howard’s first directing effort, GRAND THEFT AUTO. Television credits are equally as impressive: TALES FROM THE CRYPT and HERE COMES THE BRIDES.

I had the pleasure of working with him at two radio stations, K100 and TenQ in LA in the 70’s. He also fell off my couch stinking drunk one night and my wife still invited him to dinner again.

His catch phrase was “Tina Delgado is alive, ALIVE!” shouted by some unknown frenzied girl. No one ever knew the story behind it -- who Tina Degado was or how he came to use it. Even what the hell it meant. But it didn’t matter. It was all part of the excitement this larger-than-life personality created for “the magnificent megalopolis of Boss Angeles” three hours every day…and especially on “Fractious Fridays”.

His birthday was April 1st, I wish that maybe his passing is just an April’s Fool joke. That would be so like him. And at 3:00 I could turn on the radio, “Devil with a Blue Dress” by Mitch Ryder would come blazing out of my speaker and I would hear “The Real Don Steele is alive, ALIVE!”

He is in my heart. And always will be.

Thanks to Nancy Plum for the following montage from the first day of TenQ. In the bottom left photo that's me standing behind Steele.

My favorite comedy screenplays

Someone asked me to list my top ten favorite comedy screenplays. Fine, as long as I don’t have to do it in order and don’t have to limit myself to ten. These are my favorites, which means these are the movies I wish I had written.

ALL ABOUT EVE – Joseph Mankiewicz. Sharpest dialogue I’ve ever heard. The film is 56 years old and still crackles. Saw it again recently. What a pleasure to watch, especially now during the dumbing down of America.

SOME LIKE IT HOT – Billy Wilder & IAL Diamond. Disproves its classic last lane. Somebody IS perfect.

HEARTBREAK KID – Neil Simon (although the hand of director Elaine May is clearly evident). Jewish men generally love this movie, Jewish women hate it. A young Charles Grodin gives the comic performance of his career. And Eddie Albert (yes, Eddie Albert) will make you laugh out loud. There's a remake coming soon. I shudder to think.

THE LADY EVE – Preston Sturgess, story by Monckton Hoffe & Preston Sturgess. Screwball comedy at its funniest and most sophisticated. Barbara Stanwyck and Henry Fonda – not who you naturally think of as a comedy team but they pull it off with ease.

HIS GIRL FRIDAY – Screenplay by Charles Lederer, based on the play by Ben Hecht & Charles MacArthur. Cary Grant & Rosalind Russell trade quips at a pace that makes WEST WING seem slow. And every word out of their mouths is a gem.

ARTHUR -- Steve Gordon's masterpiece. For more info on Steve and scenes that were cut from his original draft, check out my archives.

TOOTSIE – Larry Gelbart (although fifteen other writers also had a hand in it). If there seems to be a pattern in the comedies I like its men posing as women or “Eve” in the title.

TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN – Woody Allen. This movie was a revelation, especially when you consider that at the time (late 60’s) most “comedies” were lame Doris Day type films.

YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN – Mel Brooks & Gene Wilder. “Putting on the Ritz” scene alone puts this in my top ten.

ANNIE HALL -- Woody Allen & Marshall Brickman. For my money the perfect romantic comedy. (How could the same guy write HOLLYWOOD ENDING?)

MOONSTRUCK – John Patrick Shanley. Okay, so there are two perfect romantic comedies.

CHASING AMY – Kevin Smith. Funny, real, pitch perfect, and you actually root for Ben Affleck. Now that’s good writing!

AMERICAN GRAFFITI – George Lucas and Gloria Katz & Willard Huyck. A consistently funny movie that doesn’t even try to be a comedy. And what a soundtrack!

DR. STRANGELOVE – Stanley Kubrick and Peter George and Terry Southern. The perfect black comedy. And there are no other perfect black comedies.

THE PRODUCERS – Mel Brooks. The movie not the movie of the musical based on the movie. That was dreadful.

LA CAGE AUX FOLLES – Jean Poiret, Francis Veber, Edouard Molinaro, Marcello Damon. Even the subtitles were funny.

FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL -- Richard Curtis. Even Andie McDowell couldn't kill this English confection. But boy did she try.

SHOWGIRLS – Joe Eszterhas. So unspeakably terrible on every level that you can’t help but laugh throughout. (Okay, so that’s one I’m glad I didn’t write). It's a tribute to Elizabeth Berkley's talent that after starring in this movie she still has a career.

Everyone is invited to list your favorites. Including VOLUNTEERS is not mandatory.

It's not rocket science... or is it?

Coming Monday: "the Kennys" -- my equivalent of the Emmys but with no intolerable Debbie Allen choreographed production number.

Ben Silverman, new head honcho of NBC spoke to reporters recently at the TV Critics convention and spinfest. He said this: "I want to do it fast and furious. It's really hard to move this massive ship. We left port, we're in a business that is under attack, and we're an inch from an iceberg. We have to move quick, we have to roll up our sleeves and we have to get things done." Could he have worked in any more cliches and catch phrases? Not that he's alone. We're all guilty of talking like endeavor agents occasionally.

THE TELEGRAPH.co.uk had a fabulous contest recently. They invited readers to compose prose crammed with as many infuriating phrases and clichés as possible into no more than 150 words. Here are a few of the winning entries. You are welcome to provide your own as well (although I have no prizes to give you. I’m just a blogger). But I’m sure if my readers proactively put in 110% they can raise the bar to a new level and hit a slam dunk home run.

Mrs J. M. Johnson_To be honest with you, I'm pressurised 24/7. I'm literally in pieces. I surfed the net and sourced a top-dollar lifestyle guru, and he's working with my partner and I, prioritising issues so that we can team up and address them - know what I mean?
There's things that have to go on the back burner, so that we can jet away to the sun and chill to the max. A few drinks, a few laughs and I'll be firing on all cylinders, like I say. She'll shop until she drops - right? - but if that's what the little lady wants, that's what she'll get. We'll soak up the sun, go with the flow, and come back bronzed and fit. Hopefully, by Christmas, we'll be sorted, and ready to party, party, party big-time - and spend some quality time with the kids, with the turkey and all the trimmings.

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Nick Godfrey_I hear what you're saying but, with all due respect, it's not exactly rocket science. Basically, at the end of the day, the fact of the matter is you have got to be able to tick all the boxes. It's not the end of the world, but, to be perfectly honest with you, when push comes to shove, you don't want to be literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. Going forward we need to be singing from the same songsheet but you can't see the wood from the trees. Naturally hindsight is 20/20 vision and you have to take the rough with the smooth before proceeding onwards and upwards. The bottom line is you wear your heart on your sleeve and, when all is said and done, this is all part and parcel of the ongoing bigger picture. C'est la vie (if you know what I mean).

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B.D.Farrant _I don't do competitions. But, at the end of the day, little ol' moi just couldn't resist this challenge. Actually, there's a lot of weather about 2d and moseying down to the shops has soooooo lost its appeal. As a result, there's a window here to think outside the box. Yes, you've got it, it's a blue sky thinking moment. I mean, it's not rocket science, you know. True enough, but let's face facts here, this could so be my conduit to a whole new ball game. Awesome, or what? That's if the judges don't, like, move the goal posts.

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R.G. Banks_Let’s stop obsessing and get down to the nitty gritty of fleshing out the gender issues. John. I’m wanting to hear inclusiveness and ethnicity here. A raft of blue sky thinking to challenge accepted orthodoxies. The bottom line is about empowerment and at the end of the day getting up to speed working 24/7 towards a coalition of understanding through best practice. This can only be fully achieved if the glass ceiling, in inverted commas, is transformed into a level playing field where the goal posts cannot be moved without leaving a substantial carbon footprint which inevitably would consign us all to the expediency of existing between a rock and a hard place. We must pick up the ball and run because we can no longer wait for the smoking gun of the next denial of service attack to consign us all to the wheely bin of history.

Finally! A reply!

Remember a few weeks ago I emailed all my public officials asking their opinion of the Sopranos finale? Finally! I received a reply.

Thank you for taking the time to send your request to Governor Schwarzenegger. The Governor has asked that we reply on his behalf.

As we hope you understand, the Governor receives many similar requests, and although he would like to fulfill each one, his busy schedule simply does not permit it.

Again, thank you for contacting the Governor’s Office.

Sincerely,


Office of Constituent Affairs

So I guess a lot of people have asked him his opinion of the SOPRANOS finale. He's received many similar requests. Who knew? But at least he responded. Hint hint, Senators Boxer & Feinstein, and Chief Justice Roberts.

The CHEERS names not everybody knows

After yesterday's mention of Al Rosen I received a lot of comments about him and some of the other CHEERS regulars you often saw, occasionally heard, but never knew who they were. I posted on this about a year ago but it's worth bringing back and updating.

First up is Al Rosen -- the old rummy. I couldn't find a picture of him otherwise I'd include it. Al was really a championship TV wrestler back in the 50’s. He was the MAN WHO SAID SINATRA. Al sometimes needed two or three or eight takes to get his line right but it was always worth it. In one episode we wrote that someone referenced in the comments (“the Big Kiss Off”), he was supposed to come out of the back and deliver a joke. The first two takes he went up on the line. The third take he was perfect and got a big laugh. One problem though. In the first two takes he enters holding a drink. In the third he doesn’t but is holding his hand as if he DID have a drink in it. It looks totally bizarre, but we went with it because he got the line right. If you have the DVD check it out.

The older gentleman always referred to as Phil -- that’s Phil Perlman, Rhea’s dad (pictured left). Once we started giving him lines he listed himself in the credits as Philip Perlman.

Tom Babson wound up becoming a semi-regular. Cliff was always ragging on him for attending law school. Tom at various times was listed as “Tom”, “Tom Babson”, “Tom Ballard”, “Customer #1”, and “Barney”. But you may know him from KNOTS LANDING where he played “Man”.

In the later years, “Paul” also became a semi regular. He’s Paul Willson (pictured right), a gifted comic actor and one of the greatest improv artists I have EVER seen. I put him up there with Robin Williams. I feel bad for Paul because we finally built an episode around him but it was the second to the last one of the series. He pops up on a lot of shows. Always funny.

One of the great sports columnists of all-time, Alan Malamud, sat at the bar for eight or nine shows. Local LA sportscaster, Steve Bailey, had a drink from time to time, as well.

I show up in only one scene in one episode, the last Bar Wars.

All of the customers hoped that their parts would expand and become a series regulars as what happened with John Ratzenberger and George Wendt. It was never to be.

And then there’s the bar patron who was supposed to be a series regular and wound up as just an extra. In the pilot from time to time you see an old woman in the background. This was “Mrs. Littlefield”, a colorful politically opinionated spinster. She had a number of lines in the pilot. But the show was long, her character didn’t really score, and her part was cut. All that remains are a few shots of her here and there.

And finally, in a few episodes my father plays an extra. You’ll see him hitting on 25 year old women. My idea. You're welcome, dad.