My favorite screen couple

Keep your Bogey & Becall, Tracy & Hepburn, Affleck & Lopez. For sheer sexual chemistry, charm, and comic timing there has never been a better screen couple than Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell in HIS GIRL FRIDAY. If you've never seen this comic masterpiece you MUST check it out. In the meantime, here's a ten minute sample. Hold your breath.

Questions I didn't get to...

I wasn’t able to get to all the questions that were submitted to my Teleseminar last Tuesday. So I thought I’d cover some more of them now.

Q: If you have two polished feature spec scripts, is it wise to query an agent on both at the same time?

Me: Absolutely. The more you have to show that you’re really proud of, the better. Agents will always want more than one writing sample. They need to be confident that you’re prolific. When we were starting out I read a spec MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW that was dynamite. I asked the writer how long it took her to write it. She said five years. She’s never been heard from again.

Q: Do you need to move to LA to make it?

Me: It’s not impossible to make it from afar but it’s much harder. I’m sure Larry Gelbart could have sold a script from Sihanoukville. And if you want to write features it’s easier because you go off for a few months to write an assignment anyway. But if TV is your dish it’s very helpful to be in Los Angeles. This is where the shows, agents, contacts, and industry softball leagues are.

Q: How would a newbie sell a spec script?

Me: Try to get an agent of course. The WGA has a list of all agencies. Some will accept new submissions. Submit your script to all of them. If you have any contacts, use them. Let’s say your brother is in jail for robbing a producer at gunpoint. That producer is a contact. Also now, do some videos on Youtube. Anything to get noticed.

Q: Is it okay to have one of your writing samples be something you’ve co-written, if you’re trying to get hired as an individual?

Me: No. Sorry. Whatever is good in your script the reader will assume is the other guy’s.

Q: What are the three biggest mistakes people make when writing spec scripts?

Me: They attempt to get noticed by writing groundbreaking episodes that break the show’s format. Dream sequences, breaking the fourth wall, etc. I recall a WINGS spec I once read that was written from the point of view of a fly that buzzed around the airport. We did not give that person an assignment. We notified the authorities.

They don’t follow the show’s style sheet and there are spelling and grammatical errors.

They haven’t done their homework. They don’t know the show or the characters. I read a spec FRIENDS where Ross slept with Monica. I’m guessing, or at least hoping, that the writer didn’t realize they were brother and sister.

Open letter to the cast of THE OFFICE

A couple of quick things first:

I'm off to the Bay Area for the weekend. Daily posts will continue assuming there is internet access in Silicon Valley. I'm cautiously hopeful.

Due to technical difficulties, the Phil Spector rare tapes will be heard Thursday and Friday on Whodaguyradio.com. Hear it here (hopefully). As the great Real Don Steele used to say, "Electronics is just a theory".

Tomorrow: some questions and answers I didn't get to during the Teleseminar.

And now... an open letter to the cast of...

Congratulations. You are on a hit show. Your faces are on the cover of ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY (special collector's issue no less). People are quoting your lines. Everywhere you go people tell you they love you. You get invited to A-parties. Free flat screens. The first new Prius off the line. iPhones. You are currently “America’s Guests”.

But with sweeping success come a number of traps. You seem like a wonderful cast, lovely folks, and my guess is you know and intend to avoid most of this stuff already…but it never hurts to have a reminder. And I offer these selfishly. I love your show. I don’t want to see anything screw it up.

Enjoy every single minute of being on a hit series. Never take it for granted. Not for one second. Yet always remember: these people who love you? They love you in context. They love the character, not you. And to that end…

Do not quit the show to launch your bigtime movie career. You are not the next Will Ferrell despite what the CAA agent trying to poach you says. Jenna, do not fall for these standard agent statements. “I can get you in a room with Spielberg.” “I can get you in a room with Scorsese”, and their typical closer: “I can get you in a room with the Pope”.

Supporting cast members: do not quit the show to star in your own vehicle. You will forever be more popular in this supporting role than you will starring in your own cancelled-after-three-episodes series. The TV landscape is littered with JOEYS and BOB PATTERSONS and HELLO LARRYS.

Do not count lines. EVER. Do not complain that so-and-so has more to do than you. Be happy you’re there. Not to discount your talent but there by the grace of God you’re on THE OFFICE and not CAVEMAN.

Don’t hold up the studio or producers for gigantic raises. It’s disruptive and these days you could find yourself out on your ear. You could fill Madison Square Garden with former LAW & ORDER cast members. The show will go on without you...or even all of you.

If you do features during your hiatuses never treat THE OFFICE as just an imposition. ALWAYS put it first. It is the reason you have movies, it is the reason you're not working in a real office.

DON’T PHONE IT IN.

You’ve been given a huge gift. Appreciate it. Yeah, after awhile it might seem old hat still playing the same character week after week but it’s your job to make it seem fresh. And having to find a way to make your character interesting in episode 200 should be your biggest worry in life.

Just know this: the crew NEVER phones it in. The writers NEVER phone it in.

And speaking of writers – I know this is a gray area because some writers are also in the cast and there is some ad libbing – but never think you can write the show better than the writers. You may come up with a great line or bit but that’s very different from sitting down at your computer and staring at the tyranny of the blank screen. Show them respect. They don’t get the magazine covers and glory. James Lipton will never host INSIDE THE WRITERS STUDIO.

Be on time. Don’t make 100 people wait for you just because you can. Not every phone call has to be taken right now. And you can hold your water for two more minutes until the director gets the take. (Actors pee more than any human being on earth.) You may be saying, “We don’t do any of that,” and if so, great! But as the years go by this bad behavior may begin to creep in. Don’t let it. You can approve tile samples later.

Awards are evil. They destroy cast unity, they cause resentment, jealousy, and disharmony. Don’t hate your former best friend just because he/she won an Emmy and all you have is a shitty People’s Choice Award.

And finally: You will probably be identified the rest of your life with this show. Don’t shy away from that. Embrace it. I’m not saying you can’t go on to do many great things in exciting new directions but today, this minute, you’re on a Superbowl winning team. Wear the ring proudly. So very few ever get one.

Have another undefeated season!

Why week two is often weak two

For most new shows this is the toughest week of the year. Week two.

The phony network hype begins, already heralding the next big hit of the season based on only one airing. The same hype that gleefully proclaimed WHOOPI the smash of the season and COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF the breakout hit of 2005. This year they’re saying BIONIC WOMAN and PRIVATE PRACTICE but I don’t think even they believe it.

All this bogus hype just adds unrealistic pressure. And every showrunner knows, as tough as it is to do a good pilot, that’s nothing compared to episode two.

Generally, you have months to write and polish your pilot. You have a week to bang out episode two.

Drama pilots often have big budgets. And big name feature directors. For week two you get the guy who directed a few DEGRASSI HIGHS and instead of spectacular stunts worthy of James Bond movies you must settle for a car that can fishtail.

And good luck spotting movie star executive producers like Hugh Jackman and Salma Hayek in anything but the pilot. They’d lose their invitations to Jeff Katzenberg’s picnic if they appeared in “episodic” television beyond the premiere.

A lot of pilots are “premise pilots” – they show the major events that set the series in motion. But what are they gonna do week two? Have another plane crash on LOST? Jaime Sommers has another accident and winds up with Bionic genitals? Darren finds out Samantha is also Jewish?

For a while networks were demanding we don’t do premise pilots. So in essence, we were writing a second show AS a pilot which combines the hardest aspects of both assignments. And then our second episode had to be essentially ANOTHER second episode.

People watch the second episode with different expectations. Some saw and loved the pilot and expect the follow-up to be just as good (despite the limitations). Others saw the pilot, are still on the fence but are willing to give the show another try. You have this one last chance to win them over. Gulp! And most people who tune in didn’t see the pilot. You have to get them caught up while not boring the viewers who don’t need a recap. It’s a tough line to straddle.

Obviously some shows can do the “Previously on…” prelude, but that usually works best on serialized programs. And still on those shows, with big casts, you’re spending half the episode trying to figure out who the hell all these people are and why the main character is named Jack in every series.

Bottom line: Second shows are a bitch so give ‘em a little slack this week. And Fox fall shows have it even worse. Because of the baseball playoffs their new entries disappear after a couple airings. So when they return they need to present yet another pilot episode. If Jaime Sommers were on Fox she would have her third car accident, new bionic breasts and eyebrows, and she would likely lose her driver’s license and certainly her auto insurance. Such are the problems facing today’s TV showrunners.

Teleseminar

Thanks to all of you who participated in the teleseminar. I hope my answers were as good as your questions.

Happy for any feedback in the comments section.

For everyone else, please continue down to the actual (hopefully) entertaining post.

Thanks.

Ken

A Royal mistake

The baseball playoffs begin Wednesday. Although it will probably be impossible to top the Rockies' win over the Padres to claim the NL Wild Card. Wow. Congratulations to all eight teams that made it (although, God, I’m so sick of the Yankees) and my deepest condolences to Mets fans. Maybe the worst collapse since AfterMASH premiered with a 49 share and ended with a 19 share (back in the days when there was just three networks and no cable). How I ever got work after that I can't imagine.

I know a lot of my readers could care less about baseball, especially those in Djibouti and Miami, but in honor of the playoffs I thought I’d share a humorous baseball story I bet you’ve never heard.

Rush Limbaugh once worked for the Kansas City Royals. When he wasn’t trying to convince Bombo Rivera and Onix Concepcion that they should register Republican, he was in the front office – “Promotions Director on loan from God” might’ve been his title. Anyway, among his responsibilities was organizing the daily first-pitch ceremony.

One night he escorted a whole group of church children onto the field. It wasn’t until he got them settled on the mound that he realized he had forgotten a ball. So he called into the Royals dugout asking if anyone had a spare baseball.

Big mistake.

From out of the dugout came hundreds of balls. Players emptied the batting practice bucket. It was like a hail storm. The excited kids all broke ranks and scurried after the rolling souvenirs. The result was absolute pandemonium. The game was delayed fifteen minutes. Ushers and the grounds crew scrambled desperately, trying to wrangle the frenzied youngsters and baseballs.

The incident caused quite a stir and to my knowledge, Rush Limbaugh was never heard from again. So take heed Mets fans (and now Padres fans) – baseball can be a cruel cruel sport.

Phil Spector testifies...sort of

Phil Spector (who just keeps getting better looking with age) made rare recordings that will be heard for the first time.

This very cool event will happen Tuesday on Whodaguyhawaii internet Radio. In 1969 KHJ radio produced the monumental 48 hour HISTORY OF ROCK N’ ROLL. One of the features was an interview segment with then-recluse now-mistrial-defendant, Phil Spector. They did a neat thing called a “blindfold test”. Certain records were played for Phil and he shared his initial reactions to them. Snippets of this feature were featured on the HRR but not all of it (there was that 48 hour time crunch after all).

But the full confession…I mean, recordings of these Spector tapes were recently discovered and tomorrow Ron Jacobs (who IS da guy of whodaguyhawaii) will play them. It’s the first time they will ever be heard in their entirety.

For rock enthusiasts, music fans, and forensic experts everywhere this should be a must.

Again, that’s Whodaguyhawaii Radio. Mahalo.

Phil Spector: “to know him is to prosecute him”.

For the record: There were many versions of the HISTORY OF ROCK N' ROLL that came AFTER the KHJ version. The KHJ version was the original. The credits are as follows, and these dedicated people are the ONLY ones who deserve the credit for the HRR.

CREDITS:

Producer/Director: Ron Jacobs: Writer: Pete Johnson, Narrator: Robert W. Morgan; Recording Engineer: Bill Mouzis:
Re-mastered 2007 by D'Agostin Productions, Pasadena.