Ernie Harwell

Here’s how valued Ernie Harwell was.

Ernie was the long-time voice of the Detroit Tigers. He passed away yesterday way too young at 92. But in 1948 he was broadcasting for the Atlanta Crackers minor league team. Red Barber, the announcer for the Brooklyn Dodgers took sick and the Dodgers needed a replacement. They had heard good things about Ernie so they called the Crackers to see if they might release their announcer. The Crackers said okay but they had a need too. A catcher. So for the first and only time in history, an announcer was traded for a player. Cliff Dapper went to Atlanta and Ernie Harwell traveled north to Brooklyn.

And he stayed in the big leagues – for nearly 60 years. From 1960 on he was the beloved voice of the Detroit "Ti-guhs" (as he called them in his rich baritone twang).

Here’s all you need to know about Ernie. I first met him in 1989. I had just completed a season of calling minor league baseball and had arranged with the Angels to use an open booth to record a demo tape. They were playing the Tigers that night and I met Ernie. He thought my story was interesting and asked if I would be his guest on the pre-game show. Are you kidding? It was an HONOR. The gift for appearing was a pair of shoes from some local Detroit shoe store. I told Ernie I didn’t plan to be in Detroit anytime soon so he was welcome to give the gift certificate to someone who could use it.

Four innings into the game he finds me in my booth and wants to know my address and shoe size. Two weeks later a pair of shoes arrived. That was Ernie. With all that was going on around him, he was concerned about me getting shoes.

Ernie was a true Southern Gentleman. And one of the nicest men I’ve ever met. I cherish the fact that he and I have always stayed in touch. I’m going to greatly miss trading emails with bbpeach.

I once asked Ernie if he saved his old scorecards. Among the many milestones he’s seen and called was Bobby Thomson’s “shot heard round the world” in 1951 (he did the game for NBC TV). Ernie said that yes, he’s kept them all – from his years with the Dodgers, Giants, Orioles, and Tigers. I don’t know where they are but what a treasure – pretty much the history of baseball for the last seven decades.

Ernie was once asked the difference between announcing baseball on TV and radio. He said, “On TV I provide captions for pictures. On radio nothing happens until I say it happens.” What he neglected to mention was that his elegance and love of the game elevated what happened from just baseball to warm summer nights with your dad, weekend cookouts, and the best of America.

Farewell dear friend. Thanks again for the shoes. I wish I could have walked a mile in yours.

My answers, AMERICAN IDOL, Shania Twain, Gilligan -- all kinds of stuff today

Tying up some loose ends:

I haven’t been reviewing AMERICAN IDOL lately because (a) I’ve been covering Dodger games at night and don’t get home until after midnight, and (b) the show is less fun when there are just a few contestants. But I’ll still recap one or two before the season is over. I’m curious to see how they do this week singing Sinatra. Hopefully one of the 18 year olds will sing “My Way” or “It Was a Very Good Year”.

By the way, last week – Shania Twain songs? THAT was the theme? I finally watched the show and didn’t recognize 80% of those songs. It’s one thing to sing the Beatles or Elvis but the Shania Twain catalog? What’s next? The many hits of A-ha?

I was disappointed but not surprised that Siobhan was eliminated. Americans don’t like “weird”. Same problem Adam Lambert had last year. They like to vote for the wholesome youngsters that most reflect their beliefs (and then behind doors engage in sick shit David Lynch couldn’t imagine).

Thanks to all who participated in the “Who, What, or Which” game. Less than 100 is certainly a small sample size but a few preferences became very clear.

I was tickled that most of you preferred Shelley Long over Kirstie Alley on CHEERS. I love Kirstie and thought she was very funny but Shelley is one of the great comediennes of television. The subtlety and depth she brought to Diane was extraordinary. And here’s what people miss: without the absolute right actress that character is insufferable. Shelley made you love her instead of wanting to kill her.

I was a little surprised that NEWHART was preferred over THE BOB NEWHART SHOW by so many. Could be an age thing but I prefer the original BOB NEWHART SHOW. Much better chemistry between Bob and Emily than Bob and Joanna. Although I will say this, Julia Duffy on NEWHART always made me laugh.

Glad to see the hate for Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin. Glad to see the love for Sean Connery and Jigsaw.

The rest of my answers:

Bob Denver (John’s songs will fade into the mist of time but GILLIGAN will still be shown after the next Ice Age.)

I haven’t seen enough of BREAKING BAD but I’m still enthralled with MAD MEN (although I really started to hate Betty last season).

I loathe everything about the Dallas Cowboys, starting with their owner.

I still can’t tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi. Of course I also can’t tell the difference between Shasta Cola and Shasta Orange.

Sammy over Kenny.

Carrie over Eddie (as long as there’s STAR WARS and Mental Health treatments Carrie will live on.)

Mac all the way. Even I know how to use one.

Real friends vs. Facebook friends. Real friends don’t invite me to join a thousand causes and attend two thousand stupid events every friggin’ day.

Thanks again. I love finding ways of involving you guys in this blog. I would say this is “your” blog but actually it’s not. It’s still mine.

Coming Wednesday morning: my thoughts on the passing of Ernie Harwell.

April in New York

From the Queen's City to Queens, this is part 2 of my recent road trip with the Dodgers. Part one was yesterday.

We dropped two of three to the struggling Nationals and headed for Gotham. Instead of flying, the Dodgers chartered a train. That way we didn’t have to stop in Trenton. I love train travel. It’s great fun to look out the window (with my one good eye) and see places I’ve never seen before. Who knew there were so many smoke stacks in Wilmington, Delaware? Or that the landfill was so close to Newark? I would not classify any of the towns we passed through as “inland San Franciscos”.

Stayed at the very swank New York Palace, formerly the Helmsley Palace. The place has lost something without infamous owner Leona Helmsley (the Queen of Mean) screaming and belittling employees (a practice I assume she continued in Federal Prison while serving time for income tax evasion. “Why aren’t there fresh flowers in this exercise yard?!” “You call that a rape?!”)

But the Palace was a bit snooty. I asked the concierge if there were any nearby coffee shops. “Coffeeeee Shopsssss?” he sneered. You’d think I had said, “Hey, are there any titty bars near here where I could get a blowjob?” He told me there was a “Beeeestro” about a block away that served fifty-dollar whores. He actually said “sandweeeecheees” but I know what he meant.

The rain we had been ducking in Cincinnati and DC caught up with us in New York. Monday night’s game with the Mets was washed out and we played a doubleheader on Tuesday night. Oh was that fun! Seven hours of baseball in 37 degree weather with 40 mile gusts and we lost both games. But if you can believe the New York Times, this was still preferable to sitting through the new revival of PROMISES PROMISES.

Denzel Washington is currently on Broadway starring in FENCES. Women are flocking. He could be staring in FECES and they’d still pack the theater every night.

Best hamburger in New York is at CitiField. Join the others in line at the Shake Shack.

I think I saw Jack Bauer chasing a terrorist down Third Avenue carrying a dirty bomb in a Bloomingdale’s bag.

Yankee Stadium, the REAL Yankee Stadium, is now just a pile of rubble. Who needs tradition and cherished memories when you can have luxury suites?

Did not make it to Carnegie Deli so added three months to my life.

The final game of the road trip was held in a typhoon and the Mets won that one too. There were so many hot dog wrappers blown onto the field you’d think it was a ticker tape parade down Fifth Avenue for Gandhi. The Dodgers staggered back home after going 2-7. Was it the pitching? Hitting? Poor defense? Manager Joe Torre had another explanation. He turned to me on the plane and said, “YOU!” I have a feeling my next Dodger trip will be to Cambodia.

Still, I had fun, and win or lose the Dodgers are the classiest organization in baseball. Thanks to them and KABC for letting me tag along even if I personally ruined things for everybody else.

“Put Pete in the Hall”.

April in Cincinnati and Washington...

Back from a road trip with the Dodgers that took us to Cincinnati, Washington D.C., and New York. As always, I file a hopefully amusing travelogue. Cincy and DC today and NY tomorrow.

I’m still nursing a swollen cornea so had to bring along seven different eye drops. One had to always be refrigerated so I was forever schepping a travel mug filled with ice and scrambling to find refrigerators in planes and hotels and clubhouses. I felt like Niles Crane and the sack of flour.

Delta’s in-flight magazine a couple of years ago did a puff piece on Cincinnati saying it was “much like an inland San Francisco”. You’d think the locals would be extremely flattered. No. They were incensed! Why? They thought the magazine was calling them all gay. I hate to tell them but Cincinnati is known as “The Queen City”.

It’s also the home of Proctor & Gamble. (I wonder if they make Secret deodorant in the same factory as Pringles.) Just as you wouldn’t drive a foreign car in Detroit, you better not show up at a Laundromat with a box of Rinso. They’ll kill you, wrap you in Bounty, and douse you with Old Spice.

In my hotel there were two nozzles in the shower. The Westin must really cater to that burgeoning Siamese twins crowd.

There’s no greater Graeter’s ice cream than blueberry chocolate chip.

“The Great American Smallpark” was the scene of three “Titanic struggles” as Reds’ Hall-of-Fame announcer Marty Brennaman would say.

Interesting that there’s a “Pete Rose Way” leading into the ballpark and yet Pete Rose himself is still banned from baseball. I guess it’s the same principle as the Richard Nixon library.

The Cincinnati greeting, instead of hello is “Put Pete in the Hall”. Same with “goodbye”, “I love you”, and “This is 911.”

Pete was at one of our games. Am I the only one who finds it ironic that one of the Reds’ radio sponsors is a casino?

WLW just isn’t the same without Gary Burbank. Even his BBQ restaurant closed. One time a food reviewer criticized his landscaping. And that actually kept people away.

Skyline Chili is to chili what Kate Gosselin is to dancing.

We dropped two out of three to the lowly Reds and flew on to Washington D.C. after Thursday night’s tilt. (Tower: “You’re clear for takeoff Delta Dodger.” Pilot: “Roger that. Goodnight.” Tower: “Put Pete in the hall. Over.”)

Stayed at the Ritz-Carlton Pentagon City. What a gorgeous elegant hotel. If I were a high level Defense Department official this is definitely where I’d have my nooners.

So much to see in Washington – the monuments, Gennifer Flower’s apartment, Capitol Hill, Paula Jones apartment, the White House, Monica Lewinsky’s apartment, the Smithsonian, the DC Madam’s place, the Mint, Elizabeth Ray’s apartment, Arlington Cemetery, Donna Rice’s apartment, the Watergate hotel. Unfortunately I saw none of those. By the time we got to the hotel it was after 3. So I slept. I really wanted to take an hour and wander through the entire Smithsonian but woke up too late. It would be weird to see the set from MASH in a museum. I’m sure I would feel a great deal of pride and 150 years old.

The team was given a private showing at the Tourneau watch store in the adjacent mall. Four years ago these players were buying their jewelry from the back of station wagons. There was one Rolex I liked. It cost $30,000. True story: I asked the salesman why it was so much and he said it also featured the day and date. I’ll stick with my $4 gift watch from AfterMASH.

The Nationals play in a gleaming new ballpark. A VAST improvement over RFK stadium, which was the world’s largest spittoon. Coincidentally, Nats Park had stadium seating. The press box was high. Like above the timber line. But looking beyond leftfield you can could see the Capitol building. If our booth were just a few inches higher we could see the North Pole.

At the park’s entrance are statues of Walter Johnson, Josh Gibson, and Frank Howard – three former Washington area ballplayers who went on to become U.S. presidents.

My daughter Annie is right. The “W” logo on the Washington cap is the same as Walgreen’s.

Instead of dot races or giant sausage races, Nationals Park has a presidential race where a goofy oversized Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, and Teddy Roosevelt waddle and gasp around the warning track. Teddy has never won. Rigging a presidential race – now that’s a Washington tradition.

One big negative: The fans sing “Sweet Caroline” thus completely ripping off the Boston Red Sox, although if Karl Rove were still in town I’m sure he’d claim that the Nationals had it first (even though Boston was doing it before there even was a franchise in Washington).

Celebrity sighting: George Will in the Dodgers clubhouse. I don’t think a single player knew who he was.

Tomorrow: the train ride to Manhattan and the Dodger train wreck in Manhattan.

(The new) Nerf, Nerf, Nerf!

I got some new Nerf guns so I am (again) going to show you all of them, The longstrike (its the 2nd one you see and it's an AWESOME sniper rifle) is over THREE FEET long! It's so long it's taller then my little brother Carson! Then comes the Tommy 20 Raider Cs 35(the first one you see)is AWESOME, it has storage for 35 darts thats the most darts a Nerf gun has right now!
I LOVE NERF!!!!
The raider Cs 35
The longstrike Cs 6
My dart tag set
My Nerf Recon Cs 6
My Nerf VULCAN!!

The "Who, What, or Which" game (that I just made up)

I did this originally as a Tweet but thought it might expand into a fun readership-participation post. This is the kind of crap you'll get if you follow me on Twitter. You don't have to answer them all.

Who, what or which?

Who is more famous? John Denver or Bob Denver

Who was better on CHEERS? Shelley Long or Kirstie Alley?

Which show was better? THE BOB NEWHART SHOW or NEWHART?

What show is better? MAD MEN or BREAKING BAD?

Who do you love to hate more? Simon Cowell or Ann Coulter?

What’s the most hated team in America? The New York Yankees or the Dallas Cowboys?

What’s better? Coke or Pepsi?

Who’s the best Jr.? Ken Griffey or Sammy Davis?

Who would get rustier going through a carwash? Robocop or a Transformer?

Who is more famous? Carrie Fisher or Eddie Fisher?

Who’s more famous? Sweet Caroline or Caroline Kennedy?

What’s worse? Brussels sprouts or cauliflower?

Who’s better? Sean Connery or Daniel Craig?

Which is better? Mac or PC?

Who’s scarier? Jason or Jigsaw?

Who’s scarier? Faye Dunaway or Sarah Palin?

Who has the better cereal name? Coco Crisp or Sugar Bear Flyod Rayford?

Who’s more annoying? The Progressive Insurance Girl or the Geico lizard?

Who’s a better hitter? Alfonzo Soriano or Carlos Zambrano?

Who’s funnier? Jon Stewart of Conan O’Brien?

Who has the best lousy pizza? Dominos or Pizza Hut?

Who is more famous? Marilu Henner or Mary Lou Retton?

Which is better? Facebook or actually having friends?

Thanks in advance.

First of May -- Jonathan Coulton

I can't think of a better way of welcoming in the spring. You'll be forwarding this I can almost guarantee. Thanks to my daughter Annie for alerting me to this joyous song.