A Princess Who Kicks Ass

As the mother of a 3-year-old girl, I'm the middle of an all-out Princess Attack, as is every woman I know with a daughter under the age of five. I'm not in the Death to Princesses camp, though. After all, princesses are pretty; they wear sparkly gowns and are frequently attended to by friendly woodland creatures. I can see the appeal. But what does bother me is how homogenous and frequently pathetic they seem to be. My daughter is enthralled by Barbie's "Twelve Dancing Princesses," and the least nauseating character is the black-hearted cousin, which one of my friends (the father of a 4-year-old), referred to as "an evil, thieving, lying bitch." Is it wrong that I prefer that to "simpering, twirling, naive tool"?

Anyway, having a 7-year-old brother and comics-loving parents means that my daughter is regularly exposed to things that aren't colored pink. Things like Wonder Woman, a princess who regularly kicks ass. My daughter loves her — so much so that instead of asking for the requisite princess costume at Halloween, she went as Themyscira's finest. She seems to have Wonder Woman and Supergirl a little mixed up, but that's OK. The important thing is that she identified with a character who is beautiful, wise AND strong. The costume got rave reviews, and one fellow parent expressed surprise that a 21st Century kid even knew who Wonder Woman was.

So let Cinderella, Belle and Snow White wait for their prince to come. Wonder Woman's too busy saving the cartoon world.

Thanks to Hanks

Another week of picketing at 20th Century Fox is in the books. Happy to report no one fell in the fountain this week. In fact, no one has fallen into the fountain since the holiday break.

News crews are still showing up and reporting on us. Except now they're all foreign language. Who knew that Rwanda TV had a Hollywood correspondent?

Gee, I guess the honeymoon is over. When wunderkind Ben Silverman became Prez of NBC he made a big show about how he was the writer’s best friend. He invited writers to bring their projects to NBC because he above all other network chieftains appreciated and valued writers. After the Golden Globes were canceled this week he said, "Sadly, it feels like the nerdiest, ugliest, meanest kids in the high school are trying to cancel the prom. But NBC wants to try to keep that prom alive."

Okay, we may be the nerdiest and ugliest but meanest? Us?! Did we break off negotiations? Did we refuse to bargain in good faith? Did we hold the entire town hostage, cost innocent workers their jobs all in the name of greed and winning? No, it was the popular kids who did that. And so I say fuck your prom. We nerds wouldn’t be allowed in anyway.

In addition to a lot of writers on line being offended by that remark they were also pretty much in agreement that the “life is high school” metaphor is now really old and cliché. But that could just be another example of how mean they are.

So the NBC fallback plan is for the Golden Globes to be considered a “news story”, not an awards show. Uh, doesn’t that tarnish the news department’s credibility and reputation just a tad? Somehow I can’t see Huntley and Brinkley announcing the Golden Globe winners and then turning to John Chancellor to analyze why “Walk Hard” didn’t win best song.

If anyone from CAA is reading this, we haven’t had our churros in a long time now. Where are you guys?

I love Jon Stewart but he is really being a dick. He knows damn well why Letterman got a waiver and he didn’t. Letterman’s show is produced by his independent company. Stewart’s is produced by Viacom, the aft section of the death star. Stop being petulant. Aren’t there Republican debates every night to make fun of? Rudy Giuliani’s staff went door to door in New Hampshire wearing Yankee caps. You can’t do ten minutes on that?

On the other hand, God bless Tom Hanks. He’s the first big name superstar to come out publicly and urge the AMPTP to end the strike. He said, "I just hope that the big guys who make big decisions up high in their corporate boardrooms and what not get down to honest bargaining and everyone can get back to work." Thank you, Tom. They don’t care if every writer and below-the-line worker in the world hates them but they do care that you might be unhappy.

Someone said that the cost of THE GOLDEN COMPASS is more than all the revenue the WGA would receive if the AMPTP accepts our offer. And yet somehow our offer is irresponsible and would cause complete financial ruin to the industry.

Meanwhile, the WGA announced the feature nominees for their annual awards. Here’s the list. Congratulations to all the very deserving screenwriters. The guild also announced it is discontinuing its big gala presentation this year because of the strike. But that's okay. We’re used to not going to proms.

What do you mean there's no midseason?!

The last time the writers went out on strike it was March, right at the end of the TV season. We were out three months before the AMPTP even knew it. This time our work stoppage has caused a lot more havoc. January is traditionally the time when midseason shows premiere, existing hits resume with new episodes, and the Golden Globes herald in the much anticipated season of self-serving award shows. But not this year. Here in ’08 look for a barrage of reality shows, two or three remaining episodes of your favorite scripted shows, recycled cable series (CBS airs DEXTER but turns it into PG, which I suppose means instead of killing people he just lectures them), and AMERICAN IDOL. We all just take it for granted that TV’s second season begins in January. And it got me thinking – what else do we just take for granted? What else won’t we appreciate until they’re gone? Here are a few I’ve thought of. I’m sure you can provide more.


Vin Scully will always broadcast for the Dodgers.

Email will be free.

The Clintons will always be married.

That Twinkie you ate in 1993 will leave your system.

Major airlines will provide pillows and blankets for free.

Time won’t run out on Jack Bauer.

There will always be Yankee Stadium.

There will always be record stores.

“Paul Harvey…good day!”

Gasoline will always be at the bargain price of under four dollars a gallon.

Major sporting events will be on free TV.

You’ll be able to hear the Beatles on the radio.

Tattoos will always be in fashion.

There will be three new Woody Allen movies a year.

There will always be new games for your Playstation 2.

The Lakers will always finish higher than the Clippers.

Labor Day will mean the Jerry Lewis telethon.

There will always be newspapers.

Roger Clemens will be inducted into the Hall of Fame.

Sharon Stone will think you want to see her naked in a movie.

Splenda is good for you.

Manny will be Manny.

There will be anti-trust laws.

The New York Giants and New York Jets will always play in New Jersey.

HBO will always have better original shows than SHOWTIME.

There will always be one or two groups on tour calling themselves “the Beach Boys”.

There will be Marlins in Florida and Pirates in Pittsburgh.

Your little TV with rabbit ears will always get a signal.

You’ll love it at Levitz.

There will be a SAW VI.

There will be a ROCKY XXVI.

There will be rainforests.

There will be a New Orleans.

There will be a United States of America.

It's That Guy.

Maybe it's just me, but That Guy seems to be taking over the world. I've encountered him multiple times in the last six months, in bookstores, restaurants and the grocery store. And as usual, he (it's almost always a he) is oblivious to his That Guy-ness.

You know him. He's the chap strutting through Publix in a muscle shirt and tight, sweaty shorts while talking on a Bluetooth. (For the record, talking on a Bluetooth anywhere outside of your car makes you That Guy, even if you're a woman.) Or maybe he's like the dude a friend and I endured at a too-trendy-for-its-own-good restaurant in Vegas. In between gulps of sushi (which he declared "orgasmic") and hitting on the waitress, he spent the night regaling no one in particular about blowing "Thirty Gs" or so while gambling. You know, no big deal. And I'm inclined to believe him, since most Bruce Wayne types favor stonewashed jeans and shirts purchased at Casual Male.

That Guy knows no class or racial boundaries. Take the kid I saw ambling the aisles of Borders bookstore a few weeks ago. He was elegant in his beret (yes, really), overcoat and scarf — positively French. But the pretentious factor was kicked up a thousand notches by the "Oh, my God, Carlos is insane!"-type bleating he did on his cell phone for the better part of 20 minutes. I'd bet good money that he never dreamed of being That Guy and has had more than a few hearty laughs at That Guy's expense. I don't doubt that it was a wild night at the coffeehouse poetry slam, but perhaps Carlos didn't anticipate his business being broadcast at such high decibels in Borders on a weeknight.

Then there was the kid holding court at Steak & Shake with what appeared to be the entire Leon High drama club. You've seen this version of That Guy: He's the smart but obnoxious kid who is always, always performing, even when no one but his friends wants tickets to the show. And because he is a teenage male with girls in the audience, his act comes with a side order of Annoying. This particular specimen was so loud and full of endless sub-"Will & Grace" quips that even my 7-year-old — no slouch himself in the attention-courting department — turned to stare at the commotion. I half expected him to turn to me and say, "Mom, is he That Guy?"

Yes, dear, he is. Be afraid.

Overcoming Writers Block Part 2

Thanks again to all the writers who have contributed to this post. Again, for pictures I am offering incentives as to why you WANT to break through your writers block.

LLOYD GARVER (FRASIER, HOME IMPROVEMENT, ALF, THE NORM SHOW)

Years ago, I actually took a course about writer's block at UCLA extension. We were taught stuff that you and I pretty much already know: put anything down, keep moving forward, etc. One interesting thing was that many people are afraid to mess up the perfect blank page with what they think is shit (obviously, I'm not one of them), so they have a hard time getting started. This was in the pre-compute days, and the teacher suggested that those people draw on the paper, crumple it up, do anything so that it's not pristine. Then they won't feel like they're messing up a perfect page with their first draft attempt.

For me, if someone is paying me or even waiting or expecting what I'm writing, I have no or little trouble with writer's block. I'm motivated by fear -- "fear of getting in trouble," so I put something down.

Other things that I do if I get stuck -- if I've been sitting at the computer, I try writing longhand. Or I may try dictating into a tape recorder.

I do not use a yo-yo to relax me. (Note from me: I do.)

ALAN EISENSTOCK (MORK & MINDY, WHAT’S HAPPENING, author of nine books)

I've never had writer's block. Like some well-known writers, I have a trick. Hemingway supposedly sharpened pencils to get him going. Faulkner supposedly fucked and drank all night and started blasting away at his typewriter every morning. I've heard that Joyce Carol Oates runs five miles every morning.

Here's what I do.

I tape a copy of my mortgage statement above my computer.

Works like a charm.

PHOEF SUTTON (BOSTON LEGAL, CHEERS)

Sweating blood and hitting your head against the keyboard?
I'd have written sooner but I couldn't think of what to say.

MARC FLANAGAN (TRACEY ULLMAN SHOW, MURPHY BROWN, GRACE UNDER FIRE)

Is not writers block just a romantic notion, an artist in crisis, an excuse to drink absinthe or take some kind of drug...isn't it just a state of depression. I wrote an episode of "High Society", I was working on it as an Exec Prod. Jean Smart (so talented) played a trashy novelist ( a Jackie Collins type) and we tried to tell a story about her missing a deadline because of writers block. The story never took off, the lesson we learned was that writers block is neither dramatic or amusing, perhaps too internal a conflict... as a condition or a narrative device - it stinks.

RUSS WOODY (MURPHY BROWN, DREW CAREY SHOW, BECKER)

Here's some stuff that helps me:

Read--Classic novels, works you most admire; Joseph Heller, Hosseini, Hemingway, Palahniuk, Steinback, the greats. Spend a day or two just reading. Read as fast as you can. Gets the brain working faster.

Also--read books about writing. It can be very inspirational.

Journalize--write in a journal, no limits, no boundaries, no spelling worries, no censors, just write. About dreams, about things/people that make you angry. Write a letter to your dead mother, or mine. Or just write gibberish (to free yourself up). Write five pages of rambling, incoherent thoughts. Something will click.

Read biographies about great writers. Read about how they had blocks and drank themselves into oblivion or beat their wives or cats, or shot someone, or committed suicide. Makes you feel a little less alone. Except for the suicide thing.

Then rent the movies you most love/admire. Just watching them can spark other ideas, inspire, motivate.

But, mostly read. Read, read, read.

MIKE TEVERBAUGH (DREW CAREY SHOW, ALMOST PERFECT,

I walk. The anxiety becomes too much and I have to expend that energy by walking. That's one of the reasons I purchased one of the much-maligned Blackberries. I can type on it and make notes of whatever pops into my head while I'm out walking. I have, on occasion, been very rude to neighbors who see me out wandering around and want to join me. And then I spend the next hour obsessing about whether or not I've hurt their feelings. Anyway, that's what I do.

TOM CLEAVER (Roger Corman classics)

I personally think Hemingway had it right when he said a writer had to sit down in front of the typewriter for an hour every day at the same time, whether anything came out or not. Eventually it gets so boring sitting there, you come up with something. And then the good news is that computers make All Writing Is Rewriting so much easier, so you don't have to worry that everything appearing on the screen is gold.

I also have a rule when working: I can't go fuck off and do something enjyable till there are 5 pages done that day. Hopefully, things get good and the enjoyable thing to do that day is to write. But 5 pages a day will get you through to "fade to black."

JON SHERMAN (RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, FRASIER, SABRINA, blogger)

If by "writer's block" you mean hitting a wall on something, well, then I turn to other friends and/or family (some of whom are writers, some not) and bounce it off them to see what they think. I have one friend who loves it when I turn to him for ideas. Needless to say, he's an actor.

If, on the other hand you mean running out of ideas completely, well, then I would turn to my agency. They appear to have no shortage of (mostly crappy) properties. I was actually pitched "Life's Little Instruction Book" as a series because as one agent said, "every page in it is an episode idea!"

Yeah. Every episode in it is an episode idea. Just like every relative you have works someplace that "would make a great series!"

Except that what makes a great series isn't the idea, it's the execution. If all you needed was an idea, "Hello, Larry" (Following the breakup of his marriage, radio talk-show host moves from Los Angeles to Portland) and "Frasier" (Following the breakup of his marriage, psychiatrist moves from Boston to Seattle to become a radio talk-show host) would have had pretty equal success.

ALLAN KATZ (MASH, RHODA, MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW, ROSEANNE)

If you don't care about the quality of what you write, writer's block is never a problem.

STEVE PETERMAN (HANNAH MONTANA, MURPHY BROWN, SUDDENLY SUSAN)

I get into a room with six other people and a clock. We look at the clock, realize that we don't possibly have enough time to write the next episode, let alone have a block about it, and then we write it.

ALEX EPSTEIN (Canadian screenwriter, author of excellent book: CRAFTY TV WRITING)

1. I turn off the wireless internet and force myself to actually focus on the problem. That cures most cases, which are really just letting distractions get in the way.

2. I find talking through the problem with my wife, or another writer, or an assistant, helps quite a bit.

3. Analyze the scene. What does each character want? What is the relevance of the scene to the overall piece? Actually writing down the bones of the situation often makes clear what I need to be writing.

4. Look at other people's work that's similar in genre. If I'm doing a horror comedy, I watch horror comedy.

5. Clean my desk (pay bills, etc.). Likewise, this results in a feeling of accomplishment, reduces angst, and gets the bills paid. The theory is that afterwards I'll be better able to focus on the writing. I'm not sure this is true, but I've got to pay the bills some time.

ME (you know the credits)

Start a blog.

Overcoming Writers' Block

First: A brief announcement. I hope to do another free Teleseminar in a few weeks, discussing writing and answering your questions. Anyone interested in the details (when they become available) just register at THE SITCOM ROOM site. If you've already registered no need to do it again. The last one was a lot of fun. I discussed stuff like this:
A reader asked how you overcome writers’ block. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Different writers use different methods. So instead of just sharing my approach I thought I’d ask a few working writers for their take. One said, “Music, crying, and/or Ativan. Any one, but preferably all.” Here are the others. Many thanks to the contributing scribes.

Note: As you know I like to include photos to spruce things up. But other than this spiffy cartoon I can't think of what to post about writers block. So instead I'll just offer pictures that might serve as incentives -- pots of gold at the end of the rainbow. You know me -- anything to help. Enjoy.

BILL KELLY (ENCHANTED)

I'm not sure I believe in it, at least for myself. To
me, "writers block" suggests a tormented artist
searching for the muse in some wretched Parisian
garret, which is a much more glamorous image then some
lazy slob splayed on the couch watching Love Boat
reruns instead of working (guess which one I am).

I'm not one of those people who "hate
writing". I just hate getting started. And you have
to write 'something', even if it's bad, in order to
have 'something' you can make better.

My work days usually find me trapped between the twin
tensions of my inherent laziness and my increasing
self-loathing that I haven't done anything yet.
Eventually, the self-loathing desperately overtakes me
and I start feverishly working.

Surprisingly, that's the best part of the day.

IAN GURVITZ (BECKER, WINGS, author: HELLO, LIED THE AGENT, writer/director of the feature LA BLUES, blogger)

I think the best solution is to do something else. Take a walk. Go shopping. Sleep. Anything that takes you away from the way you've been thinking about the problem because that road has run you into a wall and to continue to think that way will result in your just banging your head against the same wall, like the marching band during the riot scene of Animal House. Even though you can never really get your mind off it, doing some other activity often lets the mind settle so that whatever part of you that comes up with ideas can make new connections, which often results in a new way through the problem, whether it's a clever solution or deciding that the problem really didn't exist. If that doesn't work, then I would suggest just blasting your way through it and hope a connection hits you along the way. Or working on something else and seeing, over time, whether the story really wants to be written.

In either case, since a story rarely come out fully formed, these moments are simply part of the process and the desire or need to write it will drive you through. That is my assessment of writer's block and it is correct.

ELAYNE BOOSLER (writer/comedienne)

I feel one cannot hope to successfully write anything without first alphabetizing the linen closet.

DAVID POLLOCK (MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW, MASH, FRASIER)

I completely give in to writers block and distract my mind by throwing myself into obtaining the answers to obscure research questions distantly related to the project. For example: Why was Schulyer Colfax kicked off the ticket as Vice Presidential running mate for Grant's second term? Who were the ten best righthand hitting Dodger left fielders who platooned with lefthand hitting Gene Hermanski in the late 1940s and early 50s? Which ethnic group was put out of business when the Vietnamese took over all the manicure boutiques. Etc., etc.

CHERI STEINKELLNER (CHEERS, BOB NEWHART, TEACHER’S PET, SISTER ACT (musical heading to Broadway)

Morning Pages (Julia Cameron, Artist's Way). I
don't do the full Artist's Way regime, and I usually
don't even do this - but when I do it usually works,
and is always interesting at the very least. Morning
Pages = free-writing 3 stream-of-consciousness
notebook pages first thing in the a.m., still in bed,
fresh from sleep and dreams, and not yet distracted by
the day's to-do list. It's a habit you need to get
into (and it's easier to get out of, that's for sure)
but it invariably gives more than it takes!

JANE ESPENSON (BUFFY, BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, GILMORE GIRLS, blogger)

I always tell people that nothing cures Writers' Block like having a job. If a script is due, if you HAVE to write it, then, magically, there is no block. Conversely, of course, writing projects of your own, spec projects with no deadline and no one waiting to read what you've done --- that gets harder after you've become used to hard deadlines and guaranteed payment. I force myself to complete those only sometimes -- when the idea strikes me as so good that I really feel driven to complete the project. Maybe, in cases like that, Writer's Block is actually acting as a good executive -- keeping me focused only on the best ideas!

ROB LONG (CHEERS, author: CONVERSATIONS WITH MY AGENT, host of MARTINI SHOT on NPR)

I give into it.

(Well, honestly, I've never experienced writers block, if by that you mean the desire to write but the inability to actually do it. I suffer from what experts call "laziness," which is a much different thing. I don't want to write. I can't really concentrate. I surf the web aimlessly. I lie about how much work I've done; I lie to editors about being "five minutes from emailing the piece"; I lie to myself, especially, when I say, "You know what? I'll get up early tomorrow and...")

LEE GOLDBERG (PSYCH, MONK, DIAGNOSIS MURDER, FAST TRACK feature, blogger)

I have never had writer's block...what I've had are scenes I couldn't make work...and that's almost always because the initial conception of the scene or story was flawed. Fix the structural problem and the "block" will disappear.

DAVE HACKEL (BECKER, WINGS, FRASIER)

No magic answer for this one. Mostly I try not to sit at my desk and try. I do anything else. Take a walk, go to the gym, read a book -- anything. I find that that's when the solution to what I'm blocked on comes to me -- when I'm not trying. Guess I can't take the pressure. And if I do sit and try to beat it, the only thing that works for me is to start posing questions to myself, i.e. pitch to myself. And just at it is in a writers' room, I pose everything I can think of from the ridiculous to the ridiculouser and shoot myself down mercilessly. In the end -- a solution comes because, quite frankly, it has to.

JENNIFER FISHER (TITUS, ELLEN, WANDA AT LARGE, HOME IMPROVEMENT)

I put my fingers on the keys and just start stream of consciousness typing everything I’m thinking about at that moment – the complete inner dialogue. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why haven’t you finished this yet? You can’t write. You’re an asshole. A lazy fucking asshole.” You know, all the good self-loathing usually comes to the surface first. And I’ll even write about the fact I have writer’s block and ask myself what it’s about, all the while typing it out. I just let all those voices tire themselves out and usually that unblocks me so the rest can flow.

Either that, or go to a movie so I can later lambaste myself for, once again, procrastinating.

More tomorrow.

Levine on the picket line

After a delightful holiday break it was back to the picket lines Monday. Very big turnout at 20th. Too big.

There was a guy wearing nothing but a speedo, necktie, black shoes and socks. It's shocking to think you’d see something like that in Los Angeles. He held a sign that said Computer.TV supports the writers. Just what we need – some idiot in a speedo supporting our cause. Actually, representing our cause since I’m sure he’ll be the sole focus of any news coverage. And you wonder why the AMPTP has zero respect for us.

Needless to say, the abuse he took on line was biblical. Giving a couple hundred disgruntled comedy writers a moron in a speedo is like giving a dog a pork chop.

Other topics discussed: Roger Clemens (guilty as hell), Hillary (lots of Captain Queeg comparisons), the Golden Globes cancellation (so something good has come out of this strike), NFL playoffs, Jimmy Kimmel appearing on Leno’s show (What a coup! Getting a guy who won’t be on TV again for at least two minutes), and Leno going on Kimmel’s show (because an hour of Jay just isn’t enough), LET THERE BE BLOOD and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN – two movies that the critics fawned all over but a lot of people on line hated, it’s time for Dick Clark to finally give up NEW YEAR’S ROCKIN’ EVE (I understand your reluctance to turn it over to Ryan Seacrest, Dick but really...it's time, buddy.), all the possible side deals the Guild is making with indie production companies like UA (hard to believe Tom Cruise is not aligning himself with Sumner Redstone), and Mike Huckabee crossing our picket line to go on THE TONIGHT SHOW and claiming he didn't "know" about the strike. Yeah, right. Which is why they hustled him in and out through the Univision entrance.   It's been in all the papers, Mike!

We’ve been on strike now for two months. 20th is on its fourth giant billboard already. Have we really been out since MR. MAGOO’S EMPORIUM or whatever the hell that bomb was?

20th was flying a frayed and torn American flag. Uh, isn’t that against the law? I’m just sayin’.

In a week or two I'm sure there will be seven AMERICAN IDOL billboards. It returns in a few weeks. FOX is counting on that to get huge ratings and bury the other networks who can’t compete because of the strike. One of the features of this blog is that I review AMERICAN IDOL after each performance show. Despite some flack I take for it, it’s my most popular feature of the year. Traffic goes way up, I acquire new readers, etc. But this season, as long as we’re on strike I don’t want to do anything to help promote a FOX show. So no AMERICAN IDOL reviews until this mess is resolved. Sorry fans. Hope you understand.

On my sportstalk show Sunday night on KABC I was heartened that no one wanted to discuss the AMERICAN GLADIATORS. This month we're in for a blizzard of new crummy reality shows. I hope they all fail.

Back at it tomorrow morning. It’s supposed to be colder. If the speedo cretin is there we can really test the theory of shrinkage.