The Fountain

People ask me why I do a blog and I’ve never had a good answer…until now. If I can save even one person from going to see THE FOUNTAIN then I’ve provided a real public service. Yes, I know I’m going to take a lot of heat in the comments section but I don't care. Some things are too important and warning the population is something I just feel morally bound to do.

As I watched this quest for eternal life I wanted to kill myself.

For you Los Angeles readers, my wife said it was a 90 minute KCRW ad. In other words, artsy-fartsy, overblown, dialogue as bad and stilted as STAR WARS: EPISODE I and GLEN OR GLENDA, and making no sense whatsoever. An utter mish-mash. A complete disaster. It achieved the near impossible, it made Rachel Weisz look bad. And the writer-director, Darren Aronofsky, is her husband! She should sue for spousal abuse.

At least SHOWGIRLS had nudity. And stupifying lines like: "it must be weird, not having anybody cum on you."

Aronofsky is the Emperor’s New Genius. It’s one thing when he makes five-million dollar bizarre little art films. So what if nobody knows what the hell is going on? Everybody’s stoned. It’s the midnight show at the local revival theater, part of a double bill with PINK FLAMINGO. But a $53 million studio holiday release? What was anybody thinking? Forget that THE FOUNTAIN is not remotely commercial. Even the art crowd thinks it’s a turd. It was rejected by Cannes, the New York Film Festival, and when it showed at the Venice Film Festival it received loud angry boos – and these people think every Woody Allen movie is a masterpiece.

When directors start thinking of themselves not as storytellers but “artists” you can almost bet another FOUNTAIN will be hatched. When they want to become the next Kubrick give them a wide berth. If you hear the words “metaphysical journey”, “exploring unanswerable questions”, and “Mayan mythology” RUN!

I saw it at a screening where Aronofsky participated in a Q&A afterwards. He was asked what the theme of the movie was, and he said, “he didn’t know.” HE DIDN’T KNOW???? $53 million dollars and he didn’t know? He said he was still discovering it and that’s the cool part.

Knowing your theme is the first thing they teach you in the Beginning Screenwriting Course at the Learning Annex… for only $53 dollars.

Admirers will say if you want to be challenged by a movie see THE FOUNTAIN. I say see THE FOUNTAINHEAD.

Let the debate begin!