How to pitch pilots

There was a recent article in the LA TIMES about a new UCLA course aimed at teaching future “showrunners” how to pitch pilots to networks. Students are paired up, and then have to pitch invited industry representatives. They learn the length a pitch should be, how to hit the high points, what to stress (spoiler alert: Passion), what to avoid, even how to dress (think upscale BBQ), but guys, come on, isn’t this course just a little premature? By five years?

This is like giving actors who have not yet gotten their first job a course in how to handle press junkets when their next big movie comes out. You’re placing the cart so far in front of the horse that the horse can’t even see the cart.

Don’t concentrate on learning to pitch. Concentrate on learning to write. No network will hear your pitch if they’re not comfortable you can execute your idea.

In the article one of the students, a former attorney now an intern at Touchstone who produces a comedy show in Beverly Hills (whatever that means) wants to create a hit sitcom. Considering the amount of television she consumes, she says, “There’s no job in the world for which I am better qualified.” Huh????? What???? Considering the number of baseball games I watch, there is no one more qualified to pitch for the Los Angeles Dodgers than me.

Take WRITING classes. Then take advanced WRITING classes. If you’re lucky enough to meet real showrunners, ask them about their process, not how did they pitch their shows. The truth is, when you’ve graduated to the level where networks will agree to hear your new series idea, your agent can teach you how to pitch. Or the studio exec with whom you will doubtless be partnered. And your mom can teach you how to dress for a BBQ.

If you want proof of my theory, watch any Dodger game. Until you see me on the mound, suck it up and finish that spec NEW ADVENTURES OF OLD CHRISTINE.

Tomorrow my Bests and Worsts of 2006