Monday, August 25, 2008

Fall Movie Preview, Part I

The summer blockbusters have all come and gone. Eddie Murphy and Kevin Costner have destroyed their careers. Batman, Iron Man, and Hellboy have all bolstered theirs. Now Hollywood turns from saving the world to more important matters like winning awards. Here is my annual Fall Movie Preview. As always, these are just my opinions based on not having seen a single one of these films. Not that that should stop me.

RIGHTEOUS KILL – Robert De Niro and Al Pacino together again as two cops. Scenes where they’re both on the screen at the same time had to be shot in Imax format in order to contain their performances.

THE DUCHESS – Keira Knightley costume drama. The true story of the Duchess of Devonshire’s stormy marriage to the Duke of Earl.

APPALOOSA – Ed Harris writes/directs/stars in this western. Co-starring Viggo Mortensen, Renee Zellweger, and Mr. Ed.

MIRACLE AT ST. ANNA – Spike Lee, World War II. Guess. Brothers kick some Nazi ass!

BODY OF LIES – The trailer just announces “DiCaprio” and “Crowe”, which is all you need because everybody knows Leo DiCaprio and Louisiana State Senator A.G. Crowe.

EAGLE EYE – Shia LeBeouf and Michelle Monaghan are tormented by someone on their cellphones who assumes control of their lives. It’s the nightmare we AT&T customers live with every day. Story by Steven Spielberg. I always wonder why, if it was such a great idea. he didn’t direct it himself.

TYLER PERRY’S THE FAMILY THAT PREYS – Who cares what it’s about? It’s Tyler Perry. Should gross $200 million the first weekend.

NICK & NORAH’S INFINITE PLAYLIST – No, it’s not another THIN MAN movie. Two teens have a wild night. Starring Michael Cera (JUNO, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT) and the pictured Kat Dennings (SNOBS, a Levine/Isaacs failed pilot).

GHOST TOWN – Ricky Gervais goes Hollywood High Concept. He can see ghosts. He has to break up a marriage for some concocted reason. Not sure if he took this assignment because he really loved the script or a house opened up in the Malibu Colony.

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 -- Dear God!

SAW 5 – If Shawnee Smith took a chainsaw to the High School Musical kids, that I’d pay to see.

MADAGASCAR: ESCAPE 2 AFRICA – It’s a sequel. It’s from the studio that made SHREK. Expect MADAGASCAR: THE MUSICAL to hit Broadway the week the DVD is released.

RACHEL GETTING MARRIED – Anne Hathaway in her most challenging role since GET SMART. She plays a recovering drug addict who attends her sister’s wedding and causes an uproar when she claims the chopped liver swan is alive.

THE WOMEN – Writer/director Diane English tells me every week at the gym that it’s good. SEX AND THE CITY without the sex, MAMA MIA! without the music. I guess what you’re left with is, well...“the Women”.

BLINDNESS – In the land of the blind the one eyed man is Julianne Moore. Based on Nobel winner Jose Saramago’s novel about a society where no one can see. Sure. Now you want to pay for satellite radio.

NIGHTS IN RODANTHE – Richard Gere & Diane Lane in a midlife crisis weeper. This is their third film together. “Everybody got excited about the chemistry we have”, says Lane. They played a husband and wife in UNFAITHFUL and audiences cheered when she cheated on him. Not sure about that chemistry thing.

AUSTRALIA – Sweeping epic starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman, neither of whom had to apply for work visas. Cattle ranching saga. Explains why rib-eye prices are up at the Outback Steakhouse.

THE ROAD – from the Pulitzer Prize winning novel of the same name. Viggo Mortensen in touching father-son movie that Hollywood studios thought was too dark and grim. Producers were unwilling to compromise and add Abba songs.

BOLT – CG-animated version of THE TRUMAN SHOW with animals. James Lipton does a voice. Sample dialogue: “What is your favorite swear bark?”

Part II tomorrow.

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