What it's like to win an Emmy

Tonight are the Emmys. My review will go up early Monday morning. You probably wonder what it's like to actually win an Emmy. Here's what it was like for me:

You give your speech, aware that there a million people like me out there ready to make ass fun of you. Best to make it short, especially if you're not a celebrity. No one out there gives a shit. You don't blame them. When you're out there you don't give a shit. You're also aware of all the people in the audience glaring at you. They could not be less happy for you.

Then you are escorted backstage, sign a big board of Emmy winners (by rote I signed it “Mazol tov on your bar mitzvah”), get your picture taken with your presenters (which in our case was Arthur & Kathryn Murray (pictured)…who had died two years before the presentation), and are then led around from interview room to interview room.

National TV, local TV, national print, national radio (if there is such a thing anymore), local radio (if there is such a thing at the moment), etc. You’re only in each room a few minutes because the next winners are right behind you. The question you are asked the most is: "So who are you again?"

Finally, after seven or eight of these you are told to go through “that door”. We did and found ourselves literally outside in the alley by the trash cans with the flies buzzing around. The door locked and we couldn’t get back in. We had to walk along the building and back into the main entrance.

It was almost poetic.

I am seriously thrilled to have won an Emmy. I'm only sorry I didn't pose for a picture with it in front of that dumpster -- the perfect reminder that I'm never as great as I think I am.