More Gina

Wow. I'm tickled by the great response to Gina. There’ve been a lot of requests for more. So since it’s nice to see anybody appreciate an unsold script that took months to write, here’s another scene...along with my thanks.

Gina (Paris Hilton with no money but a sense of humor) has coerced agoraphobic, claustrophobic Hank onto a flight bound for Paris. As reward she wants to initiate him into the Mile High Club. Two notes: She also brought her macaw who parrots back the obscenities he’s heard from her. And a reminder -- this movie is rated R.

****

INT. LAVATORY – CONTINUOUS

It's very small. They enter and Gina immediately throws herself on him. She begins tearing off his clothes which is almost impossible in such cramped quarters.

HANK
Wow. It's a little tight in here.

GINA
This is nothing. Try doing it in a coffin.

Hank winces in pain.

GINA
What's the matter?

HANK
Oh darn. I may be passing a kidney stone. I've had this before.

GINA
Ick.

HANK
But don't worry. It's not going to stop me. I've waited waaaaay too long for this.

GINA
Good. Go down on me.

HANK
What? HOW?!

GINA
How do you think?

HANK
No, I mean, there's not a lot of room.

GINA
Oh, it's big enough to get your face in.

HANK
What? No. What I meant was –

GINA
We don't have to do this, y'know. It's not like I don't have a....(finger "quotes") "bullet massager".

HANK
No, no. I'm cool. (another sharp pain) Aaaaaaaah! (covering) Very into it.

He tries to scrunch down. It's almost impossible. He's in the most uncomfortable twisted position imaginable.
There's a knock at the door. Hank SHRIEKS.

STEWARDESS (O.S.)
Ma'am, please attend to your bird. It just called a child a cocksucker.

GINA
Really? That's pretty funny.

HANK
Gina!

GINA
Stick him in an overhead compartment!

STEWARDESS (O.S.)
The cage won't fit.

GINA
I meant the kid! (off his look) We'll be out in ten minutes. (to Hank) Okay, now where were we?

Sheepishly, he starts to get in position again and his CELLPHONE CHIRPS. He SHRIEKS again.

GINA
That's yours. I'll get it. Just keep going. Don't worry. I can multi-task.

She grabs the phone from his pants on the sink and answers.

GINA
Hello?

HANK
(still in a crouch)
Who is it?

GINA
Your mom.

HANK
WHAT?!

GINA
(on phone)
This is not a good time. Your son was just about to give me skull.

HANK
Give me the phone!

GINA
(on phone)
Me? Laura Bush. (to Hank) Y'know, that would be a great name if I ever got into porn.

Hank crumples to the ground in agony.

GINA
(on phone)
What are you crying about? Jesus, no wonder your son is the Prozac Poster Boy ...No, he's not home. I think we're over the North Pole. (to Hank) You okay?

HANK
No...another kidney stone.

GINA
So what happens?

HANK
I drink a lot of water, I pray that somebody, anybody will kill me, and eventually I pass a little rock out through my penis.

GINA
Ooh. Then for sure I'm not swallowing.

HANK
(shaking his head)
I'm in the eighth ring of hell.