We need a line for Earl, Larry, Doug, or Peter

The NEW YORKER has a contest where readers are invited to submit captions to cartoons. I’ve entered this several times, have never been chosen as a finalist and usually think the captions they do select are as lame as Bazooka Bubblegum comics.

But it gave me an idea.

As a grand experiment, I thought today I would institute a comedy writers’ punch line contest. Except I have nothing to give away and therefore don’t want to pick a winner. But I will offer some feedback to the entries.

This could either be a lot of fun or a colossal bust. Submit your entries in the comments section.

And just to make it more interesting, I’ll give you essentially the same set up for four different style shows. It’s not just writing jokes, it’s about tailoring to the characters and style of the show. Do as many or few of the shows as you want.

So here goes:

VERSION ONE: MY NAME IS EARL

Earl enters his bedroom to find a hooker in his bed. Earl says?????

VERSION TWO: CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM

Larry enters his bedroom to find a hooker in his bed. Larry says?????

VERSION THREE: KING OF QUEENS

Doug enters his bedroom to find a hooker in his bed. Doug says????

VERSION FOUR: FAMILY GUY

Peter enters his bedroom to find a hooker in his bed. Peter says????

Have fun. Be funny.