Oooh baby, left turn ahead...

In reading your comments about GPS systems a question occurred to me. If you could pick the voice, who would it be?

At first I thought, maybe someone like James Earl Jones. But considering he’s Darth Vader I could just imagine that heavy breathing while the car was idling at a stop light. And God forbid I don’t follow one of his instructions.

I’m sure men and women would make different selections. I can’t see too many guys going with Barry White. “Oooooh baby, turn left ahead. You know you want to do it. Come on, baby, do it. Turn left. Now. Ohhhh yeah!”

Guys might prefer that late night bedroom voice a la Allison Steele, the sexiest sounding disc jockey in the history of radio.

If you really have esteem issues you might want your mother’s voice. Or your drill sergeant’s. “I can’t BELIEVE you ain’t at that intersection yet, you Goddamn maggot pussy!”

There’s always Simon Cowell but he’d stop you after thirty seconds and tell you it’s pointless to go any further.

And Dick Tufeld, the voice of the robot on LOST IN SPACE. “Danger! Danger! Dead end ahead.”

If you used William Daniels you could pretend you were in Knight Rider.

For just classic great radio voices (you might not know the names but you’d recognize them when you heard them) : Dan Ingram, Robert W. Morgan, Jon Miller, Neil Ross, Randy West, Mike McCann, Gary Burbank, Lyle Dean, Dave Williams, Gary Owens, Bill Drake, Humble Harv, Laurie Allen, Charlie Van Dyke, Howard Hoffman, Mark Elliott, and Rick Dees.

Randy Thomas has great pipes. She’s the “Hooked on Phonics” spokesman. Also the booth announcer for the Academy Awards. “This is Ken’s second trip to Calabasas, first to 10835 Ventura Blvd.” (Randy also will be announcing this year's Superbowl halftime show. If you used her voice you could probably get your car into VIP parking in certain places.)

I always liked that throaty tone of Kirstie Alley. And if you wanted to feel important, how about that guy who does all the movie trailers? “YOU have arrived at YOUR dessss-ti-nationnnnn.”

And then there’s Seth MacFarlane who could give you a lot of voices. Same for Harry Shearer. You’d never fall asleep at the wheel if Robin Williams were reeling off directions in thirty different accents.

Kiefer Sutherland could do it but you’d have trouble hearing him. Half the time you’d be yelling “WHAT??!” at the screen.

People I would least like as my GPS guide: Barbra Streisand, Joan Rivers, Bobcat Goldwait, Gilbert Godfried, Rosie O’Donnell, Fran Drescher, Danny Bonaduce, Judy Tanuta, Joe Cocker, Jaimie White, and Tim McCarver.

But if I had to choose one voice and one voice only… it would have to be Vin Scully. “Pull up a chair, put on your seatbelt and spend a little time…going to 320 Kimber Road.” I might just give an address in New York and let him take him the whole way.

Who would your custom GPS voice be?