Please give a warm welcome to Ted Nugent!

So when Ted Nugent performed at the Texas Governor’s Inaugural Ball with machine guns, a Confederate Flag T-shirt, and started shouting offensive remarks about people who don’t speak English, uh was this a surprise to anyone? This wasn’t John Davidson they hired. This was Ted Nugent, he of the biting live chickens on stage rumors.

Even if Mr. Nugent (or, as he’s also known, Sweaty Teddy, Deadly Tedly, Great Gonzos, and my personal favorite – Theodocious Atrocious) was told to just sing his big hits that would mean “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang.” Imagine starting the ladies choice dance with that?

Were the Johnny Mann Singers just unavailable that night?

Had anybody in the party planning committee read any of Mr. Nugent’s quotes? Here are two of my faves:

Gun Control: “Only a coward supports gun control. You know how to stop carjacking? Shoot the carjacker. If someone is going to kill me for my Buick, I’m gonna shoot until I’m out of ammo – and then I’ll call 911.”

Feminists: What’s a feminist anyways? A fat pig who doesn’t get it often enough?”

Charming.

Andy Williams had a gig in Branson that night?

I still can’t get over it. Ted Nugent? At the Governor’s Ball? Author of “Kill It and Grill It”. Legal guardian of a 17 year old Hawaiian girl to avoid statutory charges. The man who got a draft deferment by reporting to his draft board with a week’s worth of excrement and urine in his pants (although I’m sure Texans would still have preferred he dressed for the ball like that than sport a Confederate flag). The only thing surprising to me is that THEY were surprised.

Amy Grant wanted too much money?

Personally, I find it hilarious. Mr. Nugent has said he’s considering running for Governor of Michigan in 2010. I bet even he’s smart enough not to hire himself to sing at the Inaugural Ball.