FREE TACOS!!!

That’s right! Because someone stole a base in game one of the World Series (you’d know this if you watched) Taco Bell will give a free taco to anyone who shows up at one of their stands this Tuesday afternoon from 2 – 6. (Thanks to media writer Tom Holfarth for the heads-up. This offer must’ve occurred just after I fell asleep listening to Tim McCarver explain something he had explained 50,000 times already… that night.)

You notice that Taco Bell’s promotion doesn’t reward you for coming through in the clutch, or a double-play (that requires teamwork and cooperation). No, it celebrates STEALING. Nice. Muy bueno.

So how many free tacos do you think they’re going to give away? One report says as high as 2.75 million (roughly twice the number of people who watched MAD MEN each week – another sad commentary on America).

But the big question is: what is to prevent someone from eating a free taco and then going to another Taco Bell location and getting a second freebie? Why that would be STEALING, wouldn’t it? But TB has that covered. According to the fine print in the contract:

Participating Taco Bell restaurant manager reserves the right to deny Free Taco to any person he/she reasonably believes has already received a Free Taco or has engaged in any other fraudulent activity.

Oh really?

Just how does a Taco Bell manager determine who has already had a savory free taco? I suppose if the customer enters doubled-over that would be a clue. Or his breath stinks. Or he is anyone they recognize from THE CELEBRITY FIT CLUB. But if Republicans can find ways for people to vote more than once, I’m sure mooching an extra gratis taco shouldn’t be that hard.

And what do they consider to be other fraudulent activity? Not eating the taco yourself but using it to trap mice? Re-selling it on eBay?

I’ll be interested to see how this Free Taco promotion plays out. Hey, it might help us really determine the extent of the financial crisis. If you see Sumner Redstone in line you know we are all in deep deep shit.