When actors go berserk at the table reading

Just a Guy just asked a Friday question (what's yours??):

We have all heard about table reads going incredibly bad and childish stars and guest stars berating the writing staff. How did the average writer or writing staff view these tantrums by actors? Did they absorb all of the complaints or did they dig in their heels and say something to the effect as "We don't tell you how to interpret a scene, you don't tell us how to write it."?

That’s a tough one. It depends on how much clout the actor has. If the show’s title is her name or she happens to own the production company and the lot you’re shooting on, then it’s harder to call them a no-talent bitch and throw over the table in front of the rest of the cast, studio, network, and craft services guy.

Without naming names there was a big star actor/asshole who hated every script after the table reading. He would insist they throw it out completely. A new script appeared the next day and he was happy and would go to work. Some of their best work, scripts they slaved over for weeks, would get tossed. So the staff finally got smart. They just started banging out dummy scripts for the table reading and saved their real scripts for day two.

If you do confront a star at the table you run the risk of getting fired. But often times that’s the reward.

Sometimes stars are insensitive but don’t really realize it. I loved working with Tony Randall but our first table reading with him was not a joy. We had written a freelance script that was good enough to get us on staff. It’s our first day. It’s also our script. The show was coming off a two-week hiatus. Tony stands up before the reading to announce he had just returned from London and went on about how brilliant British comedies were. He concluded by saying, “Compared to British sitcoms ours were absolute shit! Now let’s see what we have today.” Then he sat down and began the reading of ours.

If the offending actor is not a major star the best course of action is to just nod, keep your composure, go back to the writers room and kill him off.

And then of course, what we did on MASH. That story is here.

By and large most actors aren’t monsters. And the smart ones learn that if they have problems with the script, by presenting their objections with respect and kindness the staff usually will break its back trying to address his concerns.

But I will leave you with this. A well known comedian called a couple of his writers and asked if they could write some material for a dinner he was going to emcee the next night in San Diego. They did, drove down to San Diego to give him their monologue and were met for breakfast by the comedian and some bimbo that was on his arm. They read the jokes , the comedian liked them, but the bimbo seemed to have problems with them. Finally, one of the writers reached across the table, patted her hand, and said, “Dear, do we tell you how to give blowjobs?”