The imperfect use of perfect

I’m not in the food service or customer service business so I never got this memo, but who decreed that every waiter, hotel desk clerk, and department store salesman respond to everything you say with “Perfect!”? I find it annoying and not the least bit condescending.

The dictionary on my computer (so it must be the ultimate authority) defines “perfect” as “without errors, flaws, or faults”, “excellent or ideal in every way.” So does that really apply when I want another spoon?

I was with a friend recently and he ordered a salad with the dressing on the side. The waitress chirped, “Perfect!” I ordered the same salad but with the dressing mixed in. Again, she said, “Perfect!” So which is it, bitch? They can’t both be perfect! I can’t tell you how many restaurants I’ve been thrown out of lately.

Is it that we as a society so desperately need affirmation and acceptance? My boss may hate me and my girlfriend thinks I’m a wimp but Goddamn it, the waitress at Hardee’s is in awe of my decision-making ability.

The British use the word “brilliant” to describe any action that’s not retarded. When a kid on AMERICAN IDOL recently sang an acoustic version of an inane Paula Abdul pop ditty judge Kara called it “Genius!” That word used to be reserved for Nobel Prize winners, now it applies to reality show contestants.

And don’t think my generation isn’t guilty of this practice too. The Supremes weren’t.

I know this sounds like a plug for my now defunct television series, but please, can we dial down the platitudes? Can we show a little perspective? When we order egg whites, or pay for that with a credit card, or need another minute to look over the menus, can you just say, “Almost perfect!”??