Glengary GlenHollywood

Fascinating (if not terrifying) article in Tuesday’s LA TIMES Calendar section about the lengths a writer must go to today to sell a movie pitch. By and large you must polish your pitch, have rehearsals in front of your agents, videotape your spiel and analyze it, and the article suggests that in some cases even enlist focus groups to get feedback. It’s now officially insane.

What the article didn’t say was that generally pitch sales (for all of that) pay less than spec sales, only top echelon writers are invited to pitch (unless they’re attached to top echelon talent), and for all the hoops you must go through, pitches are sold more because the studio has a need for that particular genre, or wants to be in business with you or a member of your team for some reason (heat, Laker floor seats), or the idea is so bulletproof that Stuttering Larry could sell it.

And after they buy it they STILL make you change it. “Can you make the Chinese Warlord a high school ballerina instead?” “Does the fall of Rome have to be a period piece?” “Yeah, I know the part is the Grand Wizard of the KKK but I hear Samuel L. Jackson is looking for a project.”

And by this time you’ve put so much time and effort into making the sale you’re sure not going to let it get away.

What this new trend means is that in addition to being a great writer you now have to be Elmer Gantry. Or even, INSTEAD of being a great writer you have to be Elmer Gantry. Forget those pesky writing courses, go to Zig Zigman seminars.

The trouble is, many screenplay writers I know ARE screenplay writers because they feel most comfortable locking themselves alone in a room for months at a time. They hope to impress all the girls in high school and college they were afraid to talk to by writing dazzling movies. Now they must pitch, and who do they pitch to? By and large those same girls. All that’s missing is the Chinese Water Torture.

The reason pitching has evolved (sunk?) to this level is simple: studios spend less money. They buy fewer pitches. Writers have to do more to make a sale. And the added benefit for the studios is that writers now must practically develop the whole movie, with jokes, comic set pieces, trailer moments, one sheet suggestions, maybe even have talent attached all up front, all FOR FREE. Don’t expect this policy to change anytime soon.

The bottom line is, for that amount of pro bono work, it’s almost easier and certainly more satisfying to just write the damn spec. Sell the movie doing what you do, not what Professor Harold Hill does.

p.s.

The point of this was not to depress you but report on the reality and encourage you to just write that spec. No notes, no interference. And if it sells you probably make more than had you sold it as a pitch. So in that regard it's a win/win. And you won't have to sign up for any Karl Rove personal consultations.